Saturday, September 18, 2010

The First of Lasts

Came in the mail a week before school started: Emergency Contact Information Card. Instructions were to please complete and return with our child the first day of school.

Easy enough.

Filled this baby out eleven times before for the same school. Simple. Takes about five minutes. Happy to say my emergency contacts have remained the same over the years, too. Just goes to show you that those that show up in your life, really show up.

Tears filled my eyes as I finished it, realizing that this twelfth time is the last time. Next year at this time we will not be filling out any paper work. Our time here is drawing to a close. Our womb, our sanctuary, our safe haven for our children will cease to exist for us. A long chapter will close. For good.

As my son starts eighth grade it’s bittersweet. There are aspects of life in a small community I will not miss. Not one little bit. But what I will miss is profound, and my fear is it will never be replaced. Even if my son gets to go where I’m hoping/praying/begging and pleading he will go, it will only be for four years. Tops. One third of the time we’ve spent at our little K-8.

Went to the first day of school paraliturgy and sat next to my friend, and fellow special needs parent. Could hardly look at her without crying. As we held hands and said the Our Father as a church, as a student body, as a community, my tears moved freely down my checks. I watched as kids across the aisle from one another stretched out to grab hands. Aisle after aisle disappeared as children united. In love.

That was the last first day of school. Soon there will be the last Halloween Carnival. The last Advent Program. The last Field Day. The last of the best years of my son’s life.

So far.


  1. Love the 'so far.' You have given him such a lovely place to spread his wings and that community will miss him as much (or more) as you will miss it. I have no doubt you will both be asked back as special ambassadors from time to time and that the light you both shine will lead a path into his next school.

  2. My heart sunk when I read those sentences -- say it isn't so, I thought! -- but then rose when I read the simjple "so far."
    I wish for continued joy for him, for you, for your whole family as you make this transition.

  3. My heart aches for you while at the same time holding space for the firsts just waiting on the other side of these lasts.

  4. Ever stop to think that maybe he was reason someone else had the best years of their life...? So far...
    there are no accidents.

  5. I hope he gets to go there. So far could be beat!

  6. Oh, yes - focus on the "so far." The "so far" is what takes us into tomorrow. There is no greater hope. xo

  7. I'm glad you said "so far."
    Because Rojo is master of best minute, day, year, life.
    No one is more successful than Rojo, with joy being the measuring stick. I'm janked up to see how far he will go.

  8. it's rojo.
    everyday is a good day with him.
    i'm going to predict that he'll bring the sunshine and warm with him to his new school/home.