Monday, November 8, 2010

Hope and Love

There is a lot of hype around the divorce rate of parents that have children with special needs, maybe it is true and maybe it isn’t, I have never seen concrete data.

Maybe the stigma around divorce and children with special needs may always remain.


I have always hated the word ‘stigma’.

I started dating R when Diego was only 4 months, he didn’t meet Diego or Lyric until about six months into our relationship. I was pretty gun-shy about bringing anyone around my children, as I think any single parent is. 

The moment he met them any anxiety I had about this disappeared. 

Mr. Bachelor was a natural around the boys.

Over the years as our relationship has progressed so has his relationship with them. 

They were and are like the three burping, farting, roughhousing Musketeers :) .

When Diego was diagnosed with autism about a year ago, I looked at R and told him that I would understand if he wanted to move on and start a relationship with a woman that would give him a ‘normal’ family. 

Autism is a hard diagnosis for any biological parent, and R had a choice. 

Or so I thought.

When I started rambling about the fact that he had a ‘choice’, that I totally got it if he didn’t want to sign on to what would be one hell of a roller coaster ride, he got visibly annoyed and said that he wasn’t going anywhere.

That he did not have a ‘choice’. 

He said that he loved us and autism wasn’t going to change that.

One week ago, we were married.

My husband (I love saying that :) ) has been one of the main reasons that I have gotten through the pain, stress and heartache of the past year. 

My husband stays up late with me the nights Diego can’t sleep, brainstorms with me on ways to defuse hour (or more) long tantrums, arranges his schedule to help with appointments, works long hours to take care of us….his family.

My husband rejoices in Diego’s successes with me, works with me to ensure Lyric gets the attention he deserves, doesn’t complain when the laundry isn’t folded or dishes aren’t done, and he keeps pushing me when I am convinced that I can’t go on anymore.

Don’t let the mushiness fool you, we have worked very hard through autism, a major custody battle, all kinds of communication failures and a hodge podge of typical relationship challenges to get here and I’m sure the work has only begun. 

But I am hopeful about our ability to face and get through all things together. 

Get it?

Hopeful :)

Shivon blogs over at My Brain Wants To Go Home

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