Gift Quandry

One of the more difficult things for me during the holidays, and apparently for other families I have heard from who have children with significant disabilities, is deciding on gifts for those children. The yearly debate seems to focus on whether gifts should be chronologically age appropriate or developmentally age appropriate. I’m sorry to say that I don’t have a good answer and debate this issue constantly myself.

Here’s a scenario presented by one family – the family has a 21year old son, I’ll call him Michael, who has Down Syndrome. Michael lives at home with his family, is in his last year of high school, and doesn’t have much of a social life outside his family members and their friends. Michael adores Mickey Mouse cartoons. His family knows he would be very happy to receive Micky Mouse DVDs as a Christmas gift, but they are reluctant to buy him something that is so chronologically age inappropriate. In past years, they have bought him clothes, DVDs the whole family enjoys, and music CDs to which the whole family would listen. Michael is happy to receive those things, but it wasn’t really what he wanted.

I have the same dilemma with my oldest daughter. Jessica is 20 years old, but cognitively and developmentally is more like 6-7 years old. She loves baby dolls and Barbie dolls. She also likes getting girly clothes as gifts, and she would also like Disney DVD’s. Like Michael’s family, I don’t want to stigmatize her with things her friends and peers would ridicule, but I also would feel bad not giving her a gift that she truly wants.

How have other families handled this issue? What recommendations would you have for families like mine and Michael’s?