Saturday, August 28, 2010

My Disappearance

This month I thought I'd share with you a poem my wife wrote shortly after Graham's diagnosis.


My Disappearance


The conversations in my mind

have grown too big, too intense

for the grocery aisle,

or the sandbox in the park.


I am mapping out miracles,

creative interactions,

scheduling brain scans, special meals

and blood work;

opening my door to therapists at seven am,

and pushing my true thoughts

deeply away.


My silence is trying to grasp

how to find time for a marriage

that has been placed in the wings

while my son’s life

is choreographed on center stage.


My silence holds possible dreams

of a normal life;

with family vacations, car trips,

and time not scheduled.


~Jennie Linthorst


  1. It's a quiet and powerful poem, a conversation that many of us carry in our heads. Thank you for posting it.

  2. Thank you so much for sharing this.
    The part that resonates the strongest for me right now is the idea of being in centre stage. I surprised myself by wishing most of all that I could pull my little man away from all this attention and keep him (and us) for us. I wanted that cocoon of family to be enough to take him into his future.
    Your poem is both beautifully true and truly beautiful to me.

  3. wow. that is beautiful, powerful, sad and hopeful all in one. I think it speaks to all of us. Thank you for sharing it.

  4. For more info about Jennie's work with mom's of kids with special needs go to

  5. Gorgeous poem. All too well understood.