Roller Coaster Ride

So this is my first time writing anything in a public forum- EVER, and I've basically agonized over what I wanted to say for weeks now. Up until this point I've only jotted down my feelings in a journal, (which I of course hide so that no one will see), for therapeutic reasons. So here goes....

Raising a child with special needs has basically been a roller coaster ride of emotions- forever altering the way I perceive the world. It has taught me to appreciate all of my blessings, to not take for granted even the smallest of victories. What some parents may take for granted, those of us with special needs children treasure.

It has given me a whole new level of sensitivity. Now words that were once, just that "words"- are like knives to the heart. "Retard and short bus."

I cringe just typing them.

And....this is the hard part. The personal part. The part I'm most leery of revealing to anyone but my secret journal hidden in my underwear drawer. The part I'm afraid will offend someone or come off wrong- but also a very real part of my own personal "roller coaster" ride.

It has also brought me jealousy.

Why does my child have to work so DAMN hard to accomplish what comes naturally to other kids?

Why does my child have to cry and tantrum for hours and hours because he's frustrated and doesn't possess the verbal skills of a 2 year old when he's 6?

Why doesn't my child have a single friend, when kids his age are enjoying birthday parties and sleepovers?

Why does it have to be that people stop to smile and adore cute little infants, yet glare at my son and his 'odd' behavior?

.....and to each of these questions an inner voice replies "at least you have your son, you can hold him, and kiss him goodnight- not every parent can say that".....

...and we're back to the 'appreciation' I mentioned earlier.

Yup. Definitely a roller coaster ride with extreme highs and lows. However the one constant, never faltering, all-consuming emotion in all of this is love.

And as we all know- love conquers all. :)







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Jen is a very busy 34 year old mother of three boys, ages 8, 6, and 20 months old. Her middle son was  diagnosed with autism at age 2. She works full-time as a  pediatric registered nurse. In her free time she likes to.......wait- what free time??? ..................................Did I mention she has three boys?