Sunday, April 15, 2012

Keeping Hold

Lately, things have been tough.

My daughter is 8, and has Autism. She is considered high-functioning, although there are some days I wonder if there is such a thing.

For the past few months, things have been good. Good at home, good at school. I was getting to know my daughter in a whole new way. She was more animated. Happier. Talkative. Sure, we had our moments, but overall things were better than they had been, well, ever.

But, Autism is known to throw curveballs, and a curveball is just what we got. Whether it is because we are facing down the end of the year, or another reason we have yet to uncover, we have been dealing with extreme behavior regression. My girl is going back into herself more. Wanting to be with us less. She is frustrated by the smallest triggers, and the child I got to know these past few months is no where to be seen.

And I am sad.

It is easy to get caught up in the regression. To watch your child almost flee from you, and feel despair that you didn't think possible. To shed tears because you don't know the secret to unlocking her again. To want to know why this has to happen at all.

But, I am trying to keep hold of the downright magical moments we have experienced these past months. I am choosing to believe they will return. We will work hard to bring her back. To figure out the needs she cannot communicate. To work through the meltdowns. To make her comfortable again.

Those good moments, they are precious to me. I hold them close, and they help me from sinking too far down.

I will fight for my girl.

She will be back.

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Jen is the mother of an 8yo daughter with Autism, and a 5yo son, with BOY. Most days, she prefers Autism. You can find her blog at Still Looking Up and follow her on Twitter at @JenTroester


  1. She will be back.
    These moments are so hard and whatever the reason doesn't make it any less painful to watch
    But you're right. With you as her mom, she'll get through this.
    So happy to see you at Hopeful Parents.

  2. I've just gone through the exact same thing with my 6 year old Autistic son. It ripped my heart out to see my son and all of his progress vanish right before my eyes and have no idea why or how to help. Slowly he's starting to return. Such a hard thing to go through- I feel your pain.

  3. Wow, it feels like you were describing a bit of what's going on with MY son. I totally get this. It's so hard, but you're right--she will be back. And thank you for reminding me that my son will also come back. I needed to read this!

  4. It seems like as our kids get older, these periods become the exception rather than the norm. But I do think they will always be there. Sorry this is happening now, but yes, she will be back. Hang in there!

  5. I, too have experienced these bouts with my son. Usually, they either come before or after illness, changes, some kind of change-either physical or emotional. Now that K is eight do you think it might be the onset of pre-puberty for her? I know emotional changes can come with that. Just a thought...