Keeping Hold

Lately, things have been tough.

My daughter is 8, and has Autism. She is considered high-functioning, although there are some days I wonder if there is such a thing.

For the past few months, things have been good. Good at home, good at school. I was getting to know my daughter in a whole new way. She was more animated. Happier. Talkative. Sure, we had our moments, but overall things were better than they had been, well, ever.

But, Autism is known to throw curveballs, and a curveball is just what we got. Whether it is because we are facing down the end of the year, or another reason we have yet to uncover, we have been dealing with extreme behavior regression. My girl is going back into herself more. Wanting to be with us less. She is frustrated by the smallest triggers, and the child I got to know these past few months is no where to be seen.

And I am sad.

It is easy to get caught up in the regression. To watch your child almost flee from you, and feel despair that you didn't think possible. To shed tears because you don't know the secret to unlocking her again. To want to know why this has to happen at all.

But, I am trying to keep hold of the downright magical moments we have experienced these past months. I am choosing to believe they will return. We will work hard to bring her back. To figure out the needs she cannot communicate. To work through the meltdowns. To make her comfortable again.

Those good moments, they are precious to me. I hold them close, and they help me from sinking too far down.

I will fight for my girl.

She will be back.



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Jen is the mother of an 8yo daughter with Autism, and a 5yo son, with BOY. Most days, she prefers Autism. You can find her blog at Still Looking Up and follow her on Twitter at @JenTroester.