There is a line from a Dixie Chicks song that has been running though my head these last few weeks.
"Long time gone now
And it ain't comin' back again"
My hopefulness as a parent has been missing for a while now. It has been really hard to be "the Mom" these last few months. At first I really beat myself up over it. I kept trying to make everything right for everyone in our family but it was not working and I was taking it all very personally. It started in the summer and I kept plowing through thinking that if I worked hard enough I could make it all work.
I began to lose hope that it would ever change.
I felt like no matter what the avalanche of emotion that I was feeling would never get any better and every little thing would continue to overwhelm me. I was on the edge of depression and I thought things could not get any better.
I was wrong.
I got some help, I talked about what was going on. I blogged, I cried and I took a big step back from a lot of things.
I am slowly but surely coming to accept that I do not have all the answers and that I can not fix all of the challenges that my children face on my own. I have admitted defeat in few areas and you know what, now that I have done that I feel much better. I am not super human. I would like to be but I am not and even thought I am great Mom there are still things that I can not do.
I can not do it all at once.
I will find hope again.
J blogs and honestly as she can about her struggles to remain hopeful as she parents her sons at Stellar Parenting 101