Monday, April 26, 2010

Fighting for it

I'm supposed to be writing my post for this month.

Instead, I had a nap. A long one. Then I watched some History channel. Now I have the window open but I'd rather be checking my work related forums, or writing in my work related blog.

I am not sure why I do this, but I catch myself doing this as a parent, too. I know that I should encourage Noel to sit on his wiggle cushion when I see him getting out of control. But instead, I go change the laundry over. I need to put him to bed, but I will play a game on my cell phone for 10 more minutes, just to avoid the confrontation.

Confrontation. That is what I'm avoiding. I don't want to fight with Noel, and I don't want to dig deep into my own emotions to face all that has gone on in the last year, all that will continue to go on.

The problem with this method, of course, is that now it's nearly 9 pm. I still need to do my business accounting, burn a DVD for a colleague, and write this post.

And when I don't put him on his wiggle cushion, all that energy spills over and suddenly his sister is crying. And even if I stall for 10 minutes, bedtime is still a big fight.

And when I don't look inwardly at what I'm feeling, then I explode into a mess of anger, frustration, and grief. (Yes, I still feel as though I grieve. I know that's a hot button word in the special needs community, but I own that feeling. It's mine, and you can't have it!)

Confrontation. I feel sometimes like parenting a child with special needs is a constant confrontation. Your child, who needs you to learn new ways of doing things. The experts, who tell you your way of doing things are wrong. The well meaning family and friends who 'just don't see it.' The strangers in the grocery store tut tutting over your child's behaviour. All these things are confrontations brewing on a daily basis. What do we hear most from parents of special needs kids? How they had to fight for their child. For his rights. For his independence. One of the first things we were told was that we'd have a fight on our hands to get funding assistance for treatment. Why is the system set up this way? Why are we making already worn out, struggling families fight against all these outside forces just to get a bit of help? Some parents even have to do battle to get a diagnosis in the first place.

No wonder I don't want to get into a power struggle over turning off the TV at 7 pm.


Stephanie has been procrastinating about writing at Robot Tea for close to three months now. Eek.



  1. Good job, despite the procrastination. And I'm with you on the expression of grief -- it comes and it goes but I can't deny it.

  2. This hits home with me right now, too. All of it. It's nice to know we're not walking this walk alone, isn't it? Sometimes we NEED to back away from confrontation just to save our sanity, I think.

  3. You have touched on so much that I think about everyday, the grief...good God the grief! The confrontation, it is exhausting.....and teh fact that we must fight a system supposedly put in place to help our children is infuriating at best. Thank you for writing this!

  4. Resonates with me too, and thank you so much for writing this and sharing it with us. When I actually take a moment to think about all the things I avoid/postpone/dread/procrastinate about because of the confrontations involved.............I don't want to think about that, I'll think about it tomorrow. :(