My son, Weston is powered by high octane rocket fuel. He runs, jumps, slides and whizzes through life at the speed of light. He acts first and thinks later. His favorite activity is making noise and lots of it. In September, he is heading off to high school.
There were swarming numbers of new people, friendly faces unaware of Weston's social and academic difficulties. He was surrounded by teenagers, who, like him, struggle to feel accepted.
He has told me many times that he is ready to quit public school and enter the working world. Yes, this new school option seems like a good fit for Weston.
On Friday morning, representatives from this technical institute will be visiting the middle school to interview potential applicants. Weston will be one of them.
He came home excited about his first ever interview.
He calmly explained to his clueless mother that the first thing we needed to do was purchase a new shirt, slacks, belt and tie.
I wondered who this child was standing beside me?
Over dinner, Pete and I decide to create a mock interview to help Weston prepare for his big day.
Pete began the rehearsal:
"So, Weston, tell me a little bit about yourself"
Weston stares blankly at his father and asks,
"Ahhhh, what do you mean?"
Not exactly a good first start for our aspiring young technician.
"You know, what is it that makes you who you are?'
"I don't understand?" he says, his voice sounding panicked and confused.
Pete is frustrated and searches for the correct wording.
"Describe yourself," he blurts, using the minimalist language Weston prefers.
"Ohhh!" Weston says, "Now I understand. Ummmmm, well, let's see, I don't know."
"Not a chance, kid!"
There must be something you like to do?" Pete asks, trying to regain a patient tone.
"I know, I like to play video games!" Weston answers enthusiastically.
Pete and I both sink in our chairs.
"Yes, Weston that is one of the things you like to do. But it is not what this school probably wants to hear," says Pete.
"Why not?" asks Weston.
Pete shakes his head and struggles to explain this one to Weston.
"Well, this school wants to hear about the things you like to do outside in the fresh air. They want to know what you do with other children."
"I don't understand," said Weston. His compulsive nature is now beginning to thwart his attempt to identify any of his other interests.
"Weston you enjoy riding your bike, going camping, taking hikes and playing basketball. You also participated in track last year. There are lots of things you like to do." I said.
"I know Mom, but I am afraid I am going to blurt out video games by mistake."
"Forget about it Weston," Pete says, "You need to just relax and be yourself."
Weston is now starting to visibly sweat. He takes a deep breath.
"Let's try again, I say calmly, "Weston, what are your strengths?"
Weston looks at me as if I am speaking a different language.
Silently, I begin to pray and visualize the mighty interviewer magically transforming into the gentle Mother Theresa.
"What is good about Weston?" I ask.
"Ohh, I see now, well" he says, "I have a big heart."
Now we're rolling I think to myself.
"What is something difficult that you have mastered?" asks Pete.
"That's easy," says the honorable Weston, "I take care of my brother."
He looks at us and smiles as he sits up straight in his chair.
"Can I tell them about Nick?" Weston asks eagerly.
"Yes, of course," says Pete, "It is an important part of who you are."
As I watch Weston's expression, I notice that for the first time during our practice interview, he is relaxed and comfortable. It is as if Nick's calm demeanor has transformed Weston's restless energy into a sudden burst of confidence and charm.
He has weathered ruthless attacks from callous teenagers who have called his brother a faggot and a retard. And although these ignorant remarks have wounded his heart deeply, as a protective older brother of a sibling diagnosed with special needs, he has found his courage and developed a deep and caring character.
Although he struggles with his own issues related to ADHD, it is clear to me that caring for Nicholas, has brought out the very best in Weston.
"Ask me about Nicholas," Weston says smiling confidently.
"How do you help your brother?" Pete asks.
Weston sits up taller in his chair and explains intelligently,
I feel hot tears begin to swell in my eyes. Pete has abruptly left the table and is headed into another room but not before I see him wipe his eyes.
"OK, Weston, great job, I think that is enough practice for now." I say quietly.
"Awww," Weston says disappointed that the interview has now come to a close. He jumps up from the table, grabs his Ipod and heads upstairs dancing and singing along to his favorite tune. The fear and nervousness gone, the happy cyclone of energy has returned to his original state.
I try to collect myself in the kitchen and realize that although our mini interview did not produce stellar results, it has enabled me to better understand my son.
He is not phony or pretentious.
He has no desire to deceive others.
And if you want to know the real Weston, just ask him about things he cares about.
Our mock interview has done little to help Weston. But for me, the lesson is priceless. If I really want to help my son prepare for his interview, then I need to allow him simply to be himself.
I have a feeling he will have no trouble explaining to the phantom interviewer, exactly what (and who) makes him tick.
Lisa Peters writes about family life at www.onalifelessperfect.blogspot.com. Please come visit us. If you would like to learn more about Prader Willi Syndrome, please visit our national organization at www.pwsausa.org. For information on ADHD, visit: www.russellbarkley.org. Thank you for reading.
That is so sweet, that Weston was able to define himself by the love he has for his brother. You will have to let us know how he does on the interview!ReplyDelete
Thanks Kerri! We went shopping this afternoon for his shirt, slacks, shoes and tie. I will post some photos tomorrow on my blog and let y'all know how he does!Delete
Omg he is amazingReplyDelete
This article could not have come at a better time for me. Right now I am struggling with my 2 year old son who has just recently started acting bossy and aggressive with our 3.5 year old son, who is intellectually delayed. I have been fearing what the future will be, what the relationship between them will be. But your article reminds me that often times siblings of individuals with special needs grow up to be some of the most compassionate members in our society, and that my 2 year old is simply acting like a 2 year old (not that he doesn't still need time out for hitting, however!) Thank you!ReplyDelete
Hi Abby, One of Weston's favorite hobbies is also pestering his younger brother...and of course the dog, so please don't despair!Delete
Oh wow, oh wow, this post really touched me. You see, my child with special needs also has a lovely big brother. (I am in the middle of writing my Hopeful Parents post about him!). Weston, you are awesome! :)ReplyDelete
Thank you, I am anxious to read your new post.Delete
This is beautiful, Lisa! Thanks for sharing!ReplyDelete
We have 3 neurotypical boys and then our daughter who is autistic and has intellectual disabilities as well. The oldest boy is pretty compassionate and caring with her. The second boy has his moments, but some of the moments are good ones. :-) The youngest boy is only 7 mos. younger than our daughter (both came to us through adoption, obviously different birth families) and they are in the same grade. It is toughest for him to make allowances for her and be compassionate. I think in many ways he sees her as competition for our attention, etc. But we pray as he gets older he will develop more compassion for her. He is only 7 and I think he is still taking it all in. She joined the family when she was 4 (he was already here) and he still doesn't totally understand her SNs.
But reading about Weston is a real encouragement to me!!
Hi Carrie, Weston's love for his brother has developed over time. He is an active participant in all of Nick's procedures and hospital visits. I believe as he is maturing all of these challenges have helped Weston to realize that Nick has a tough road to travel. Please know too that although Weston loves his brother very much, he is also Nick's biggest pain in ass. lol Thank you for your comments!ReplyDelete
I love your blog and I've learned a lot from following along with your boys. This made me cry a good kind of tears.ReplyDelete
Thank you for reading our blog, I have also learned alot from my fellow parenting comrades like you.Delete
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