This is now my 19th post for Hopeful Parents. And while I started in August, 2010 with such enthusiasm and hurrah, I have to say I know I have been running out of steam lately. Two of my last few posts are re-posts from my main blog, The Squashed Bologna. I scramble every 10th to make SOMETHING happen here. I feel bad, but I also know I can only do what I can do.
I have also noticed that I am not alone, that this site is… less robust than it used to be. Back when I started there was ALWAYS a fresh post every day, and often there were two (as two are scheduled per day). Now it seems to be a mostly every other day sort of thing, and I have spotted three and four day gaps with… nothing. Nothing new. I also get one or two comments where once I had gotten six to ten. (Yeah I notice that stuff, tell me you don't.)
I know that some of my blogging friends who I used to find here have withdrawn, some with announcements that they needed to pull back on their outside commitments, focus on family. Others just seem to have petered out and disappeared. Yet, as far as I know, no new bloggers have come on to replace them.
I hope that it’s been noticed by the HP powers that be and that plans are afoot to reinvigorate this site. I really love being part of a community like this that is larger than just myself. I like having a place to contribute where other wonderful special needs parents also congregate.
I am hoping that for me this is just my “sophomore slump” (being in my 2nd year of this commitment) and I will have a lot to say again here soon. But if the site itself is fading away, that will be hard to rally myself for. (So let's try not to let that happen, OK?)
Life with my family is not particularly more difficult now, it is just… rolling along at the same old low-grade stress level as usual, that is also somehow never completely relieved. So there is a cumulative fatigue factor, a worn-out quality to everything in my life. Especially me.
There are, in fact, some wonderful new developments with Jake, as he is reaching out socially more than ever, greeting and starting (not completely inappropriate) conversations with nearly everyone he meets.
And while most people are not used to being approached by an overly friendly, outsize (size 14 clothes, 100+ pounds), puppy-like, bouncing-on-the-balls-of-his-feet 9 year old with a: “Hi! My name is Jacob! You have a hat on! It’s a blue hat! I have an orange hood! What shape are your ears?” They usually gamely play along.
So I’m not really complaining.
I’m just… tired.
Really. really. really. really. tired. (I’m sure no one else here can relate.)
Comes with the territory, I suppose.
It’s why, for the 2nd month in a row, this post is officially going up on the 11th, even though my “day” is the 10th. Because I walked away from the computer for a few minutes while in the middle of writing it, switched on the TV for a brain-break and promptly fell asleep sitting up. Woke up slumped on the sofa two or so hours later and shuffled back here to finish.
And since I didn’t don my PJs and tuck myself into bed yet, in my mind its still Friday the 10th, even if the clock says otherwise.
So all this said, I am planning to be back again next month. Hopefully on the ACTUAL 10th next time (but no guarantees). And hopefully in good company. Because I love being here, really I do.
Varda writes about "birth, death and all the messy stuff in the middle" on her blog "The Squashed Bologna: a slice of life in the sandwich generation" She also tweets as @Squashedmom. Varda is proud to be a Hopeful Parent.