We are now 75 days from moving. A very big move. I'm starting to think about packing, but there is much to do before then. We have too much stuff to pack, far too many things accumulated over the last almost two years. Much of it we no longer have a use for, but is good enough to be reused or recycled. I've spent much of this month dividing up our belongings this way, and my house is messier than ever. I crave the piece of mind that an organized house would bring, but there is never going to be enough time for that.
For now, I'm thinking about what needs to be cleared out, and what I need to keep to take with us.
When we moved in, I had a freshly diagnosed on the autism spectrum 2 year-old, and a baby. Most of our belongings had been shipped ahead to the Panama Canal, waiting for us in a life that wasn't meant to be. Friends came to our rescue with with loaned baby equipment and toddler toys. We bought things too, unable to wait for our belongings and trying to establish a home, little realizing that finances were about to get so difficult. Everything seemed justified at the time, each new toy or piece of therapeutic equipment seemed so vital, but really, it was just stuff. Stuff that has been outgrown, or no longer serves its purpose.
There were other things I brought into the house too. Things that aren't bought, but cost us dearly. Like fear, worry, anger, and guilt. They carry too much weight. I'd love to throw them out. I know nobody else has any use for them either, and I certainly don't need to take them on to the next phase in our lives. I'm going to at least try, and say that I'm moving on. Perhaps it will work.
If only we could jettison that extra baggage. We'd be able to free up space for the things we need to take with us.
The good stuff. Things I've learned along the way that have proved valuable, invaluable even. Awareness, insight, and education. I'd love to pass these items on. I'd like to be able to hand them over to another family like us who could make good use of them. Gently used, but still in very good condition. Things that should never be scrapped.
But there are many more things I also need to pack up to take with us. I can't live without hope. I wouldn't be able to make the move without being able to laugh at myself. I wouldn't go anywhere without the understanding that has been two years in the making, but it still unfinished.
And then the big one: support. It might come in the form of a friend's email telling me she understands. It could come from my husband's arms after a challenging day. Almost every day I'm fortunate to get a comment from someone telling me they live it too, propping me up when times are tough, and sharing the thousand little celebrations of this journey. It can't fit into a packing case, but it comes with me, and I can't express how grateful I am for it.
These are the things that life me up so I'm ready to take off.
Whether your adventure takes place in your hometown, or the other side of the globe, I hope you only live it with the things you need. Let me know if you find a way of clearing out the unwanted things for good. I don't want to keep accumulating junk.
I don't need 75 days, and I don't need to go anywhere. I'm ready to move on right now.