Recently, I wrote the article below for our local newspaper, and thought it would spark some interesting conversation on Hopeful Parents. Ok, I'm totally reusing this because I was on a hiatus from caregiving but that's next month's story. Enjoy! :)
For many people, encountering a child with a disability can cause a bit of uneasiness.
Should I stare? Should I not stare? Should I keep my child from staring? Should I pull my child away? Should I ask questions or not ask questions.? Is it any of my business?
Medically fragile children are a part of mainstream society more than ever before.
As the father of two children with cerebral palsy, I’m a very active person along with my family. We go on walks at parks or at the mall and to many other family destinations.
Sadly, people in public do not know how to interact with my children. I feel they are missing out on an opportunity to not only learn about my kids but also to possibly learn something about themselves.
Everyone stares.
While at the mall, I once witnessed a person staring at my child. Perhaps it was her wheelchair, her trach tube protruding from her neck or her slightly crooked smile from her cleft lip, I‘m uncertain as to why.
As we locked gazes, I could see the recognition of my child’s disability, then the awkward moment of what to do next, as we silently passed one another.
Staring is a normal response when we see anyone who is a deviant from the norm. I understand staring is part of the deal when you try to give your child every opportunity to be fully included in society
Even I stare. My stare is out of amazement for the family supporting that child because I know all too well what it‘s like.
Although what I’m trying to communicate is that I do not have fear or guilt associated with my stare; I try not to offer a smile rooted in sympathy either.
Instead, I focus on the child and try to see them as a person first. Then I wonder about their age, their name and what they do for fun or if they are like my children.
Sometimes my curiosity leads me to ask questions or simply give a nod of acknowledgement to the child and/or family.
Advice on staring
My stare is still wrong, especially when I do not follow it with direct communication to the child and family.
If I could give any piece of advice it wouldn’t be ‘don’t stare,’ but rather follow-up your stare with a question, an opportunity to learn.
But, be sensitive because there are some families who just want to blend in so you may not always get the answer you expect (at least you tried to help the family feel less isolated).
If you are too fearful of asking yourself then learn from children. Children are our best examples.
Many do not have preconceived notions and are naturally lead by their curiosity.
I’ve been filled with happiness countless times when children ask us what’s wrong with our daughters. I’m just like many other parents I know. I’d never miss a chance to talk about my kids.
It creates an opportunity to understand how much all kids are alike. Whether it’s pointing out her black Converse All-Stars or noticing the sparkling pink hearts on her t-short, kids almost always get it right.
Staring is ok, but it’s especially ok when followed by asking a few simple questions. Ask their names. Ask their favorite color or movie. Just ask.
Questions weren’t always easy
Being on the receiving end of questions from strangers wasn’t always as easy as it is now.
In the early stages, the realization of being a parent of a special needs child created feelings of isolation. Not only were all of my dreams for my children short-changed, but I didn’t want to interact with people staring at me and my family.
Eventually though, answering questions and explaining my daughter’s condition gave me comfort.
Staring, on the other hand, became a normal part of our lives so I learned to embrace it.
For example, my wife and I chose to give our oldest with cerebral palsy daughter a hot pink cast after her first surgery (eventually topping that with a rainbow-stripped cast). It served as a conversation starter that helped to avoid any awkwardness and as an opportunity to educate curious observers.
Looking back, there may have been people who were more likely to talk to us because maybe they thought her wheelchair was only temporary until she recovered from her surgery. Maybe they would not have asked us what was wrong with her had she not had the pink or rainbow casts.
Now, that same daughter also has a trach (breathing tube), and we’re looking for ways to add ‘flare’ to the ties that hold it in place. She is just like any eight-year-old girl who loves pink, purple, and glitz and glam.
What I saw is that we were helping people move beyond staring and their feelings of embarrassment because we were drawing their attention on purpose. It helped them see our children as they are, first as human beings.
While I’m not sure if there is truly one right or wrong way to interact with families of special needs children or disabilities, I like “the stare and ask rule.” It provides the potential to change peoples’ perceptions one stare and one question at a time.
My hope is that world will start seeing my children not by their differences but as I do, by their potential and similarities to other children.
Tim Gort, writes about his life with two special needs daughters at http://thegortfamily.blogspot.com.
Hi Tim
ReplyDeleteWhat a great article! I used to be bothered by peoples stares (I have an 11year old son with autism who is non verbal), Time manages to heal wounds and sadness........... and it is wonderful when people ask about my child or make a comment about him. I am very happy to create awareness and I have found that if I respond in a friendly way, people become more open and they also leave with a lovely memory of a special needs parent and a special needs child :)
Best wishes
Di
20150714 junda
ReplyDeletepolo outlet
tory burch outlet online
michael kors watches
oakley store
true religion jeans
ralph lauren pas cher
cheap oakley sunglasses
christian louboutin shoes
michael kors
kate spade outlet
coach outlet online
michael kors
cheap ray bans
michael kors handbags
kate spade handbags
coach factory outlet
ray bans
tory burch handbags
tn pas cher
ray-ban sunglasse
tory burch outlet
true religion
jorda femme pas cher
michael kors
louis vuitton sacs
gucci sito ufficiale
ed hardy clothing uk
burberry sale
ralph lauren homme
louis vuitton sito ufficiale
oakley sunglasses outlet
mont blanc
kate spade bags
gucci uk
beats by dre
ray ban glasses
cheap air max
polo ralph lauren uk
true religion sale
soccer jerseys for sale
christian louboutin,louboutin,louboutin outlet,louboutin outlet italia,scarpe louboutin
ReplyDeletetrue religion jeans, http://www.truereligionoutletstore.us.com
kobe 9
manchester united jersey
abercrombie
cheap soccer jerseys
stuart weitzman boots
ugg outlet, http://www.uggsoutlet.us.org
swarovski uk
los angeles lakers jerseys
mont blanc
christian louboutin outlet
michael kors outlet
lacoste outlet
tory burch outlet
michael kors outlet online
ray ban sunglasses, http://www.rayban-sunglassess.us.com/
celine outlet online
air jordan shoes
tory burch outlet
miami dolphins jerseys
jordan shoes, http://www.jordan-shoes.us.com
tory burch outlet
air jordan 4
oklahoma city thunder jerseys
michael kors outlet store, http://www.michaelkorsoutlet-store.us.com
insanity
true religion outlet, http://www.truereligionjeansoutlet.com
coach outlet, http://www.coachoutletstoreonline.in.net/
lebron james shoes
2015908caihuali
jimmy choo, toms shoes outlet, michael kors, nike free 5.0, designer handbags, harrods, ralph lauren outlet online, burberry outlet, gucci handbags, cheap true religion, adidas schuhe, converse shoes, yoga pants, air max 90, ralph lauren polo, woolrich sale, north face, ugg boots, ed hardy, rolex watches, iphone cases, christian louboutin, prada shoes, adidas, polo ralph lauren, true religion jeans, hermes, the north face, ralph lauren, thomas sabo, cheap oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet, cheap coach purses, ugg boots, louis vuitton,
ReplyDelete2015-10-21 xiaozhengm
ReplyDeletecoach outlet online
Ugg Boots,Ugg Boots Outlet,Ugg Outlet,Cheap Uggs,Uggs On Sale,Ugg Boots Clearance,Uggs For Women
Air Jordan 3 "Infrared 23"
michael kors outlet online
louis vuitton handbags
Michael Kors Outlet Handbags Wholesale
michael kors outlet
Authentic Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet
Red Bottom Shoes Christian Louboutin
ugg sale
uggs clearance
jordans for sale
Jordan Retro 8 Playoffs
michale kors outlet
coach outlet store online
Authentic Gucci Factory Outlet
Canada Goose,Canada Goose Outlet,Canada Goose Jackets,Canada Goose Sale
canada goose jackets
coach factory outlet
Michael Kors Online Store Outlet
coach factory outlet
Authentic Coach Factory Outlet Online
Polo Ralph Lauren Factory Outlet
michael kors handbags
canada goose jackets
ugg boots on sale
abercrombie and fitch
air max 95
toms
Air Jordan Shoes For Women And Men
Jordan Retro 8 Playoffs
Toms Shoes Sale Clearance
ralph lauren uk
Louis Vuitton Neverfull GM Monogram
canada goose outlet
ugg outlet
ReplyDeletetiffany jewellery
coach outlet online
toms shoes
woolrich outlet
rolex outlet
snow boots
longchamp outlet
ray ban
oakley sunglasses
nfl jerseys wholesale
ugg boots
louis vuitton handbags
ugg boots
true religion jeans
belstaff jackets
ray ban sunglasses
true religion jeans
michael kors handbags
moncler outlet
polo ralph lauren
ray-ban sunglasses
ferragamo shoes
uggs outlet
ugg boots
oakley sunglasses
football shirts
uggs on sale
soccer jerseys
ralph lauren shirts
christian louboutin online
ugg outlet
chanel handbags
fitflops shoes
lululemon outlet
true religion jeans
ray ban sunglasses
nike huarache
wedding dresses
louis vuitton outlet
1218maoqiuyun
ralph lauren outlet online
ReplyDeleteCoach Diaper Bag
nike outlet store
Coach Outlet
jordan 6 infrared
air jordan shoes for sale
coach purses
coach handbags outlet
under armour clearance
coach factory outlet online
North Face Sale
ugg boots on sale
michael kors bags on sale
coach shoes for women
coach factory outlet online
nike store
ugg boots sale
jordan retro 3
nike high heels
louboutin shoes
north face women's
Michael Kors Handbags Outlet
kids north face
fitflop shoes
www.coachoutlet.com
dior outlet store
new jordans
gucci shoes
cheap salomon shoes
coach factory store online
ray ban wayfarer sunglasses
michael kors handbags sale
nike air max shoes
canada goose jackets
burberry scarf
puma clearance outlet
nike factory store
red sole shoes christian louboutin
coach outlet
Michael Kors Outlet Online Sale Free Shipping
coach factory outlet
Coach Purse Outlet Online 80% Off
under armour outlet stores
Michael Kors Bags
coach factory outlet online
canada goose outlet sale
qwe1.12
Thank you for sharing an interesting and very useful article. And let me share an article about health here I believe this is useful. Thank you :)
ReplyDeletePengobatan Alami & Efektif untuk Ginjal Bengkak
Pengobatan Alternatif untuk Syaraf Mata Rusak
Cara Menyembuhkan Syaraf Kejepit
Obat Herbal untuk Limpa Bengkak
Pengobatan Glaukoma Tanpa Operasi
Pengobatan Untuk Kelenjar Air Liur Tersumbat
Obat Liver Tradisional
I can only express a word of thanks. Because with the content on this blog I can add knowledge I, thank has been sharing this information. Do not forget to visit our website to share information and knowledge about health.
ReplyDeletekhasiat walatra hexabumin
khasiat vitamin hexabumin
Cara mengobati cacar Air
OBAT BATU GINJAL ALAMI
cara terbaik menumbuhkan jaringan daging
Cara Menaikan trombosit
Permission to share friends, articles about health and hopefully useful for all Cara Melancarkan Haid Obat Mata Glaukoma Cara Menyembuhkan Polip Hidung Obat Kurap Cara Mengatasi Haid Tidak Teratur
ReplyDeleteNever imagined it would be like this in the end, everything we have ever done is now gone and gone
ReplyDeleteObat TBC Paling Ampuh
Obat Gagal Ginjal
Cara Menghilangkan Bruntusan
Cara Menyembuhkan Cacar Air
Obat Halitosis
the article is very petrifying, hopefully it can be useful and an important lesson
ReplyDeletePengobatan Penyakit Polip
Cara Mengobati Syaraf Kejepit
Cara Mengobati Penyakit Trigliserida Tinggi
Cara Mengobati Paru-Paru Basah
Cara Mengobati Penyakit Herpes
Cara Membasmi Penyakit Kudis
Cara Mengobati Kanker Usus Besar