My youngest, the Energizer Bunny, is once again having behavioral troubles at school. Mind you, this is Kindergarten. But for him, it follows a two year struggle with impulse control and aggressive behaviors in preschool that resulted in being kicked out of the school he'd attended since he was 5 months old. And now, he's approaching age 6 and still exhibiting the aggressive behaviors that his teacher calls "very concerning." Let me quote: "I'm really concerned about his emotional health.........."
So here's what I wonder, among other things: when will the day arrive that I don't immediately break down in tears during these kind of conversations? I went in last week to meet with his teacher, at her request, and got there about 30 minutes before meeting time. I helped out with the kids in their "centers", as I've done before, and then the class left to go to art. I was fine, absolutely fine, until the kids left and the teacher said those words, then the water works opened up.
Energizer has an ADHD diagnosis, which is kind of a double-edged sword nowadays. It's so commonplace now, it's almost as if the label has lost its impact in the minds of many people. "Oh, ADHD...........yep, everybody's got it." Ours is the severe variety, and I never could have imagined what severe ADHD was really like before living with it in my house. Medication starting at age 4, and still he has impulse control issues so serious that he puts his hands on the necks of classmates and tries to choke them. What brings on these outbursts? Such life-and-death horrors as having one friend tell him that he can't be friends with another.
So I cried, and I listened, and I talked, and we decided to get the guidance department involved in some counseling for him. I have to do everything in my power to get past my own emotional hangups that will hold me back from getting Energizer the help he needs. You know....the nagging worries of having done something wrong in raising him, or the guilt over his micropreemie 27-weeker birth and the long-term repercussions of that. I mean, come on.......if your 5 year old needs emotional counseling, there's a problem, right? You feel like everyone's judging, everyone's questioning. If they only knew the battles we fight on a daily basis, the constant balancing act that's required just to keep him (and the family) functioning with our heads above water. And the teacher is sweet, and caring, and great, but you know she's got to think "whose 5 year old explodes with so much anger that they choke another kid? And HOW did it get to this point?"
I wish I knew...........