Saturday, January 2, 2016

How to See Your Child with Special Needs in a New Way




- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


New Year, new perspective.  Family caregivers of children with disabilities can be encouraged by “reframing” how they see their child.  Reframing “is a way of viewing and experiencing events, ideas, concepts and emotions to find more positive alternatives.”[i] 

Get a Better Understanding of Your Child 
 
Dr. Ross Greene, the developer of Collaborative Problem Solving (more about this in my next blog), says “children will do well if they can.”  What this means is children are doing the best they can with the skills that they have.  It is important for family caregivers to realize that all behavior is communication and sometimes the only way children can communicate is by “acting out.”  This doesn’t mean the temper tantrums seen in typically developing children.  This is a “meltdown” in which the child is so overwhelmed that they either lash out or shut down.  I know.  On occasion it took my daughter 4-5 hours just to pick up a pencil.  Not to actually do the homework, but just to get started.

http://musingsofanaspie.com/2012/11/16/i-can-but-i-wont/


 






 
 
 
Family caregivers need to recognize if their child’s behavior is a skills vs. a compliance issue.  Is it that the child won’t do something, or that they can’t?  Maladaptive behavior may be the only thing that has worked for the child in the past.  The child needs to learn appropriate replacement behaviors and skills.  It doesn’t go from “zero to sixty.”  If the child is overwhelmed in class for example, the goal may not initially to be to get him/her to sit still for an entire class.  The child can learn to ask for breaks, or if nonverbal use a picture card.  At first, reinforce the request every time.  Then work towards asking appropriately.  Remember that if the child acts out and then is removed from class, he/she learns that this allows “escape/avoidance.”  Even negative attention is reinforcing! 
 
Imagine what it must be like to be your child
 
As frustrating as it may be to deal with your child’s behavior, think about what they’re going through.  Sure, things take longer and it would be easier to do it yourself, but if anyone had those special needs it would take them longer too.  Think of how frustrating it would be if you couldn’t hear well and needed things repeated multiple times or used alternative methods of communication.  Or how hard it would be if you had poor muscle tone, just to put on a pair of socks.  Think how it would feel to walk into a store if all the lights seemed brighter, sounds seemed louder, smells seemed stronger and they all hit at once causing sensory overload.  There is a difference between “disability awareness” and “disability sensitivity.” 
 
http://lateralaction.com/creative-thinking/
 Then reimagine
 
Just like taking a picture and placing it in a new frame, now reframe your child’s special needs.  This is especially true for children with mental health issues.  Just like physical conditions, mental illness is physiologically based.  The organ affected just happens to be the brain in which symptoms manifest as behavior.  No one would blame someone with diabetes who needed insulin.
 
 

 
There are also positive ways to describe characteristics for all children.  Some examples are…
 
Instead of:                   vs.                                Reframing
 
Disabled                                                          Differently abled
Fearful                                                             Cautious
Hyperactive                                                     Full of energy
Stubborn                                                         Determined
Learning Disabilities                                      Learning Differences
Persistent                                                        Committed
Loud                                                                Exuberant
 
There are many ways family caregivers can have more positive interactions with their child with special needs.  “Catch them being good” means to reinforce the child when he/she is doing something you want to be repeated.  Rather than telling them “don’t” do something, tell the child what you do want them to do.  For example, instead of saying “don’t throw your clothes on the floor” say “please put your clothes in the hamper.”  Although it may be more polite to ask rather than tell your child to do something, some children interpret things literally and if parents ask if the child can do something they may simply reply no.  They’re not being defiant; the child is simply expressing a preference as he/she thought it was a choice. 
 
By reframing how they see their child through a more positive lens, family caregivers can better help their child with special needs. 
 
Resources: 
 
Ross Greene’s website
 
 
Remain Hopeful, 
 
Lauren
 
Lauren Agoratus is a parent/advocate who works for the Statewide Parent Advocacy Network and serves as the NJ Coordinator for Family Voices (www.spanadvocacy.org), a national network that works to “keep families at the center of children’s healthcare” at www.familyvoices.org or FB www.facebook.com/pages/Family-Voices-Inc-National/137783182902269.  She also serves as NJ representative supporting caregivers across the lifespan for the Caregiver Action Network (formerly National Family Caregivers Association) in a volunteer capacity at http://caregiveraction.org/ or FB www.facebook.com/CaregiverActionNetwork.



[i] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_reframing

9 comments:

  1. How to Get Your Ex Back After a Breakup or Divorce.! Am giving this testimony cos am so happy, I want to thank Dr Frank Ojo for the great thing he has done in my life , he brought happiness to my life .! A very big problem occurred in my Marriage seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited. TEMPLEOFLOVEANDPROSPERITY@GMAIL.COM. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day. What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact Dr Frank Ojo, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com . My name is Amanda Bryan, me & my family live in Toronto, Canada. Thanks for reading, and best of luck!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have given them the card to send to you and they let me know that they will send me the tracking number once they send the card off to you and i will send it to you as soon as i receive it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was hurt and heart broken by my wife!

    My wife is back after separation. thanks to Dr Frank Ojo for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again. My wife and I separated 4 months ago and our children, Emily and Robert, live with her in London, but see me every weekend i needed my wife and children back home, I was totally devastated and confused and did not know how to bring them back home because i have tried all my possible best all to no avail, until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called Dr Frank Ojo who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contacted him i told him everything and he told me that everything will be fine that my family are going to come back to me, all he said i will do is for me to provide the money for him to buy the items and i did and he told me that he is going to cast the spell, he helped me cast a spell and within 48hours my wife came back to me and started apologizing, now she has stopped going out with men and she is with me for good and for real. you can Contact him on { Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com } he is genuine. If you have any problem contact Dr Frank Ojo he is real and always ready to solve your problem , E-mail: Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com or visit his Web site to know more about him: http://africatemple.yolasite.com.

    ReplyDelete
  4. How to stop your break up or divorce and win back your lost love... right now...no matter how hopeless your situation seems... read my testimony.. I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my husband . so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the spell caster whom he visited. Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com . So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day. What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact Dr Frank Ojo, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com ,or visit his Web site to know more about him: http://africatemple.yolasite.com , Name: Wendy Owen , From:UK. Thank you sooooo much!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear friends, my name is SUSAN from united states i had a problem with my boyfriend 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, i was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me. until a friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped him in the same problem too. i email Dr UKO the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. before i knew what was happening my boyfriend gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. we have two kids together and we are happy with our selves. thanks to Dr UKO for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work the great spell caster email address : ukospelltemple@yahoo.com / Website; ukospelltemple.wixsite.com/mysite or whatsapp him on ; +2347064650019

    ReplyDelete