An elderly mother of a special needs adult
woman, told me how difficult it was living in a small community.
There are no awkward silences
No looks of pity
I listen to their tales of lacrosse and they listen to my tales of Floortime
And we find things in common.
I think it’s an important skill to have.
Proud or ashamed
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
K writes about Love Life and Autism at Floortime Lite Mama
While
she and her friends had children at the same time – their children kept growing
and progressing – while her daughter stayed eternally 10 years old
Then
those peers had younger siblings who also grew up and passed her by.
Then
those peers had children
Then those peers children turned 11
Then those peers children turned 11
You
get the drift
I am
thinking of this mother as I sit at a work event when friends and colleagues
are talking about their children – the same age as R
Nobody
is boasting but their world is so different than mine
Their
World: Soccer, talking back, interest in the opposite sex
Our world:
OT, PT, ST
I
used to find these conversations uncomfortable.
I used to wonder how to participate
In the way unwillingly-single women feel around couples – (those that Bridget Jones calls the smug-marrieds.)Like their way to be is the right way to be.
I used to wonder how to participate
In the way unwillingly-single women feel around couples – (those that Bridget Jones calls the smug-marrieds.)Like their way to be is the right way to be.
But I always remembered this conversation with that elderly woman and I had sworn then that I would try to not be that way
This was before I was the mother of an special needs child
And when I became one - I really understood what she meant - and how important it would be to not have these feelings
And so I practiced my way out of it
They talked about their kids and I talked about mine
This was before I was the mother of an special needs child
And when I became one - I really understood what she meant - and how important it would be to not have these feelings
And so I practiced my way out of it
They talked about their kids and I talked about mine
The more I talked, the easier it got
I talked about his oddness,
his brilliance, his sweetness, his obsessions, his mama’s-boyness, his
autisticness
I talked about our
struggles with finding the right schools, his love of kiddie shows,
The
5 things he will eat and his passion for flashcards
And guess what - no one seems bored.
There are no awkward silences
No looks of pity
I listen to their tales of lacrosse and they listen to my tales of Floortime
And we find things in common.
I think it’s an important skill to have.
While
the kinship we have with parents of special needs kiddos is so important, we
will lose out on many important relationships if we keep ourselves away from
the non-special needs world
Its not
just about looking comfortable in conversations with the non-special needs
world
But
it also trickles down into how we feel about our life
Like an outsider or an insider
Grateful or resentful
Like an outsider or an insider
Grateful or resentful
Proud or ashamed
"The mind is everything
What you think
You become "
Buddha
K writes about Love Life and Autism at Floortime Lite Mama
This is really lovely, and describes perfectly the two worlds we walk in. As a parent of one special needs child and one typical, I manage this divide all the time and try not to compare. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it seems nearly impossible.
ReplyDeleteA thoughtful and beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteI am a true believer in "what you think, you become"
I really liked this a lot.
ReplyDelete"They talked about their kids and I talked about mine
The more I talked, the easier it got
I talked about his oddness, his brilliance, his sweetness, his obsessions, his mama’s-boyness, his autisticness"
I feel that way about Lily. The more I talk about her the less I feel that..."otherness".
Facebook has been a fantastic thing in my life - I don't get to see my old friends often - most live very far away and we all have busy lives that make it hard to do road trips (let alone the expense) - so Facebook became a lifeline to get in touch & stay in touch.
ReplyDeleteThen my son was diagnosed with Autism & I found that there's this huge wonderful community out there - both on blogs and on Facebook.
And I still manage to have a great connection with my friends who have NT kids - we root on each other's kids - whether or not it's for their sports events, recitals or my son's eating of a new food. There doesn't have to be a wall.
I am working so hard to get to the beautiful place you talk about here... "And we find things in common." is my wildest dream right now.
ReplyDeleteI'll get there eventually.
Thank you so much for sharing. This is a beautiful piece that came at a perfect time for me. :-)
Thanks for the reminder.
My R has autism too. He has an older brother who does not. I really like your post. I remember early on it wasn't easy to "participate" but you are absolutely right...it did/does get easier. :D
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteA lovely post by a lovely lady!
ReplyDeleteLove this, K. "They talked about their kids, and I talked about mine." Getting there is a process, but I feel like I'm mostly there now... it does get easier :).
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the lovely comments - I really appreciate it
ReplyDeleteAlso great to see what a common experience that of being an outsider is
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