For me, it was a harder journey. When I married Shannon we talked about prudently waiting for children. That lasted all of three days. We decided that if we were going to have them we were going to have them. So I eagerly waited and hoped. But soon things went wrong. There was month after month of no baby. Watching my friends have babies. Putting on a happy face while everyone in the world got pregnant. But me.
I also found out that I just can't seem to carry a child to term. So my heart broke a little more over miscarriage and I was falling apart. I wanted kids. So many rotten people have them and Shannon and I were the good guys. Why couldn't we?
While I was dating Shannon I had told him I wanted to adopt one day. I dreamed of going over to China and getting a little girl. Shannon said he would like to have our own first. So when that didn't seem to be happening I timidly approached the subject again. Shannon agreed but told me that he wanted to adopt from the US. We have plenty of children here that need good homes.
So with no idea of what we were getting into we took classes, had strangers in our homes, let people pick over our finances, jobs, lifestyle, and religious beliefs. It was exhausting, scary, and overwhelming. But after about three years we adopted our first child. Our son. I was a mommy and I loved it!
I had thought after years of working in early childhood that I knew everything. I found out I knew nothing and that I would never sleep in on the weekend again. So we had a few years with Marvin and I started feeling that twitch again.
Shannon was not as enthusiastic this time when I broached the subject. We had been through the ringer. Why do this again? Aren't we the perfect family? But after talking it out and thinking it over we decided to try one more time. To keep my sanity I started to blog.
After another round of roller coaster rides and feeling like quitting our second child was presented to us. We were told she had many special needs and the chances of getting her adopted would be very slim. But when I held her in my arms that very first time, I knew she belonged to me.
So was it worth all the drama?
But no matter what I say or feel at the end of each day I look at them and remember. Remember how lonely life was before they came to our home, how quiet it was, how incredibly empty it was. And I am so thankful that these beautiful blessing came to live with us. I would never have it any other way.
Happy Mother's Day.
Amy Fields is a wife, mom, Montessori teacher, and rabbit rescuer. You can read about her crazy life at manykindsoffams.blogspot.com.