Where to start...

I missed my post last month, and this month I'm a day late, struggling a little to find the words to write.

Last month our life hit crisis point.

My loving, happy, giddy little boy became an angry, sad little man. It all blew up in our faces when he told his teacher, "I hate myself. I want to kill myself."

Part was ritalin. It can cause suicidal thoughts. The risk for this is higher in kids with mood disorders... which now we have a confirmation of. My little guy was depressed, and the ritalin made things worse and caused him, at the age of 6, to want to take his own life.

It resulted in a  note home from the school psychologist stating my son was "Low Risk for Suicide". A 6 year old.

His psychiatrist left it up to me, but wanted him inpatient in psychiatric care. I told him no.

A work-in appointment later, medication adjustments and a careful dance avoiding putting too much pressure on him, and he is back to his happy, silly self.

But I find myself wondering what will happen next time. This is not a one-time deal. Mood disorders are lifelong. Just like his autism, we will be dealing with this forever. He will be dealing with this forever.

As a parent, you just want your kids to be happy. That's all. He can be different, but just let him be happy. And that one goal was pulled out from underneath us, leaving me reeling and trying to find my footing again. 


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Katie is the mommy to two awesome kids: one mostly typical little girl and one little boy who happens to have autism. She blogs about their crazy life at Okay, Who Turned Out the Lights?