Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Therefore I Share

Mental Illness is nothing to be ashamed of.

It is not the fault of the person dealing with it.

It is hard for all involved. The individual, family, friends .  . .

Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of

How many times have I said that in real life, on Facebook, on my blog?

I tell my son this all the time. I tell him that his Bi-Polar and OCD and other illness/disorders are a pesky part of him but they do not define him and they do not make him less of a person. I tell him that he is my hero - having so much on his plate yet getting up each day with a smile on his face. And when it is a bad day (or week) I tell him that's ok too. He's entitled. Eventually he will get up again after we help him fight off the demons that haunt him in his head.

Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of.

Just like people are not ashamed of cancer. People are a lot of things at Cancer - scared, mad, frustrated, devastated, determined to name a few. But people are not ashamed of cancer.

I suffer from depression and anxiety.  It's been mostly under control for many years now but you can read a little about previous times I was struggling here and here and also here.

A few weeks ago it got really bad really fast. It seemed to hit me out of no where. My brave and amazing husband and friends made sure that I got to the hospital. I stayed for 3 weeks. While I was there I was almost successful in hanging myself with a sheet. Yes it was that bad. I was not myself. I was over run with irrational thoughts and overwhelming emotions. I thought the world would be better without me. I thought that my pain, that feeling of deep emptiness, would finally be gone if I was dead. I felt so very very desperate.

I was and still am battling a mental illness. I probably always will in some way.

I share this because I need to not be ashamed. I cannot teach my son and society to accept mental illness if I am ashamed and keep this as a secret. Therefore I share.


  1. I am glad you got the help you needed. And I am glad you are saying no to shame.

  2. Thank you for sharing such a personal and difficult post with us. Thoughts and feelings like these can happen to anyone at anytime during their lives. It is a more common experience than most of us realize. Several members of my family have experienced a similar darkness. Treatment is available but can be difficult sometimes to seek. It is not a weakness but a strength you have shown to seek the help you needed. I think you too are very brave. Please know that we are here to support you too. I am thinking of you and sending you peace.