Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Sweet Reward

Pudding's reward chart had been working wonders, but there were still some activities which required extra motivation on her part. At the end of the week, she had completed 3 out of her 5 goals. Had we overwhelmed her with too many chores?  Or was this her way of testing to see if she would get the prize anyway?  The reward chart is so new that it is impossible to tell, we're still in beta testing mode. 

We decided that she would have a reward, but not the toy she would have acquired had she carried out all of the tasks every day. Our local ice cream shop has a sorbet that is gluten, dairy, and egg-free that we pass off as ice cream to her.  We knew she'd be happy with that sweet treat, as long as it was pink and had sprinkles on it.  Ice cream always has to be pink with sprinkles.

As Cubby took his nap, I suggested she accompany her Daddy (who is in charge of religion and frozen desserts) to get ice cream. She refused. Perhaps I wasn't clear that she would get some too, so I let her know that she would, as a reward for her tokens. She declined once again. I explained that it was pink, that there would be sprinkles. Still she declined.

Maybe it was because of her separation anxiety monster. After a long stretch without the beast, it has once again taken hold of our girl. It seems that just as it loosened its clutches on her brother to enable him to sleep through the night, the monster returned to attacking her. Now she can't sleep without me by her side. She flinches if I reach for my coat or shoes, and requires constant reassurance that I'm not going anywhere without her.

I suggested that Daddy could stay home and she could go with me. She rejected this idea too. By now she was upset, frustrated that we couldn't understand what she was trying to communicate. Could it be that she no longer liked ice cream? I found it hard to believe, so I checked with her. Yes! She likes ice cream and yes, she wanted to go for some! Okay. Spectrummy Daddy and I were at a loss. Finally she let us in on the source of her sorrow.

"Cubby wants to get ice cream."


Her brother.

She was thinking about her brother.

She was thinking about her brother!

My girl who has for so long lived in her own world, and refused to let her brother be a part of it, was upset that we weren't including him on this treat. All the times I had tried, and failed, to get her to allow him to be part of her life.  Before he was rejected and ignored, now she wanted to share her enjoyment with him.  She was upset that he wasn't included.  Here was my reward, and there is nothing sweeter.

We waited until he woke up, then the four of us went to get ice cream. We asked for two spoons for the strawberry sorbet, but it quickly became clear that she wasn't prepared to let Cubby have any. A second serving was swiftly ordered for her brother, before the magic of the moment was lost.

Sharing each other's world is enough to ask, they don't need to share ice cream too.

Spectrummy Mummy blogs daily about the adventures of Pudding, and her nearlytpical brother, Cubby.


  1. So cute! And hurray for progress! What a perfect family moment for you all.

  2. Yay for progress! That is simply amazing! :) Congrats to her and to you for baby steps forward! :)

  3. You had me going. What could it be? What a beautiful ending to the story! She loves little Cubby and her own ice cream!! Who says our kids don't think of others' feelings or they can't show empathy?!

  4. I thought this was already part of the parcel. Pudding & Cubby conspired against you at the supermarket right??
    It IS beautiful when this happens though... Rewards are sweeter when shared... just not sweet *enough* to share the ACTUAL reward!! :)

  5. Thanks all. Though we've seen a lot of shared misbehavior, this is the first time she has demonstrated a willingness to share enjoyment. I was surprised that she wanted her brother there, I thought she'd take the ice cream and run!