Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I'm a Borrower

There are many days when I have it together - strong, empowered, feeling full of sunshine and happiness.  You know the days - what we would consider the "highs" in reference to the highs and lows of life.  I bet I'm not alone in saying that I love those days!  I love to celebrate them and find little moments to do a happy dance because I know they do not last forever.

I am truly grateful that I spend most of my time on the positive side of the highs and lows, but it is inevitable that there will be some low periods.  And that is when I go into my borrow mode where I seek out people who are in the high and use their optimism and experiences to get through the lows as quickly as possible.

Wondering why our house is staying on the market for what seems like forever?  Why my non-verbal child isn't as excited to use an augmentative communication system as I am for her to use it?  Why my child will happily walk in her gait trainer all around our house but not even so much as move a foot forward when I bring it to school or private therapy for her (this takes a bit of effort on my part!) to use?  Why there is always a unexpected expense just when you found a little bit of money to get ahead?  Dreaming of how easy it would be if we didn't have to jump through ever higher hoops to get services, equipment, etc. covered because we won the lottery and could pay out of pocket?  Questioning what the future looks like for our children with all the budgetary cuts getting tossed around by our legislators?  

Thinking about all this is enough to put me in a grumpy mood so it's good that - this Hopeful Parents post aside! - I don't usually dwell on these at the same time.  But when I do start moving to a grumpy, less positive outlook on life I seek out and borrow faith, hope, joy, and resilience from others.  I talk to people who are positive, read blogs about children achieving, revisit Hopeful Parents posts that left me warm and fuzzy.  

Doing these things usually works to help me fake it until I feel it.  And then something magical happens.  I start to swing back to a positive frame of mind and don't have to fake it anymore.  Yes, I am a borrower.  And my outlook on life is all the better for it.  


Kristina contributes to several blogs and hopes that she can sometimes be a lender to those who need some help to fake it until they feel it.

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