Thursday, February 17, 2011

hope defined

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To: Jess @ Diaryofamom.com

From: A young woman who stumbled across Diary quite by accident and who is now determined to help change the world @ her e-mail.com

Re: How do you fight ignorance?

Jess,

I've been trying so hard to help you with your cause, but people are just so ignorant. Today my friend's father posted this on Facebook. Her mother thought it was hilarious.

(Ed note: Even for purposes of illustration, I can't in good conscience post the picture to which her e-mail refers. It was a photo of a beautiful young man who appears to have Down Syndrome. He is wearing a number and is running on a track - his face triumphant and full of joy. The text reads 'Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.')

For the love of God, Jess, they're ADULTS. Not a 22-year-old-that-just-started-being-an-adult like me. REAL adults. Laughing at a kid? Really? 

I tried to talk to him about the ignorance of his words. He told me that "retards don't use the internet, so it's okay." I told him it was not. He told me not to worry about things no one can change. I told him that anyone can start to show and spread respect, that this CAN be changed.

My peers listen to me. They've been trying. But how do you convince a set of parents twenty years your senior that they are being disrespectful? How do you get through? I showed him your post with Katie's letter. I've been using it as a staple example to show people how their words can hurt others. I hope it works. I just wanted to let you know that I'm trying to get more eyes onto that letter to turn them around.

H

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To: A young woman who stumbled across Diary quite by accident and who is now determined to help change the world @ her e-mail.com

From: Jess @ diaryofamom.com

Re: Re: How do you fight ignorance?

H,

Oh, honey, sometimes you can't change people on a dime. But you've dropped a pebble in the water and the ripples will go farther than you might imagine. Even if they don't change now, they've heard you. It sinks in on some level. Perhaps slowly they'll evolve. Or heaven forbid they'll have a grandchild someday with special needs and THAT will change their views. 

But in the meantime, keep doing what you're doing. Don't let the outrage get the better of you. When it does, the dialogue comes to a halt. Remember that people like that speak out of ignorance. Perhaps someday you can ask them, 'What if that were your child? Or your daughter's child. Would it still be funny?' 

You can't change everyone, but you have already changed the environment in which they make those jokes. Next time they say something like that in front of their child (your friend), she won't laugh. She will be sensitized. And even if she doesn't admonish them, she's not laughing. It makes it a lot less fun to tell 'jokes' when they make your audience cringe. Eventually, they won't have any audience left. 

Keep at it. Change happens slowly. Sometimes imperceptibly. But it happens. And I love you for trying.

J

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To: Jess @ diaryofamom.com

From: A young woman who stumbled across Diary quite by accident and who is now determined to help change the world @ her e-mail.com

Re: Re: Re: How do you fight ignorance?

Jess,

.... I am really hoping that it did sink in somewhere, even if they snickered at me on the outside to preserve their pride. I know, at least, their daughter won't laugh next time. She called me later and apologized for them. She told me that the sensitivity of the issue had actually never occurred to her, and that she was going to try to increase her own awareness. She sounded sincere. 

H

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A twenty-two year-old who wandered around the Internet, stumbled across a blog and stuck around.

Who cared enough to learn our story. 

Who is now, one conversation at a time, helping to change the world for our children. 

Spreading awareness.

Teaching respect.

Living with compassion.

Speaking up.

Creating a generation of advocates.

Making a difference. 

That, my friends, is HOPE.

 

Spread The Word To End The Word

 

Jess can be found at Diary of a Mom where she writes about life with her husband Luau* and their beautiful daughters - nine and-a-half year-old Katie*, an utterly fabulous typically a-typical fourth grader, and seven and-a-half year-old, Brooke*, a loving, talented, hilarious second grader who has autism.

She also runs the 
Diary of a Mom Facebook page, a warm and supportive community of parents, friends, adults on the autism spectrum and some random people in her life who cared enough to hit 'Like' and probably now wonder what they got themselves into.


16 comments:

  1. Thank you. H. The world needs more people like you.
    Jess's Mom

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  2. Hurray for H. for standing up to ignorance. That was incredibly brave. And hopefully that father hung his head in shame, at least privately.

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  3. I don't know "H" but I love her already.
    I am very involved with our local film school and the students, being 100% about film making, make films "unofficially" too, like YouTube stuff. I was watching one the other day that was a compilation of "e-cards for Valentine's - all satirical - there were about 14 options." Typically I would have shared something so hilarious (well, 13 of the 14 were) but this one included a vignette that involved - I don't even remember how it got to this line - the girl eventually giving birth to a two-headed kid or - and I don't recall what the disparaging remark was - but I couldn't in good conscience forward it. As "H" has realized, people really don't know. I applaud her for starting the ripples .....

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  4. I'm reminded of the quintessential quote by Margaret Mead, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."
    Small change, one person at a time makes the world a better place for everyone. Don't lose heart H, you've begun walking a path that will create a sphere of influence that extends beyond your knowing and that will transcend generations. You've embarked upon a mission, much like my fellow blogging mommies, to create a world that is more civil, more equitable, more understanding for the benefit of everyone. We thank you for it...and so do our children. You are a gift to us. Thank you.

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  5. The sad thing is that a few years ago I might have thought that graphic was funny. Thank God for people like Jess that have the courage and pride to share their families with us, the general public, so that we can really gain some perspective. There's nothing like peering at the world through someone else's eyes to let you see things in a whole new light... and once you see it, you can't NOT see it. It's just there, all lit up in big red lights. The more you share, the more we learn - and in turn, we can share what we've learned and start a wildfire of awareness. Thanks, Blogger Mamas. Let's light this world up like Las Vegas together.

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  6. Posting this on my FB. If I can reach even one more person, we can just keep the ripples going (and not every FB friend sees every post, so even though I post stuff like this a lot, I've still had to have some hard private conversations with friends...)
    Thank you, H. And thank you Jess.

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  7. That ignorance lights my hair on fire! I was given a great Spread the Word to End the Word T-shirt, oh yea, baby, you better believe I wear it ALL the time!

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  8. http://www.autisable.com/725117270/really-i-hate-autism-/
    I came across this blog and when I saw the last comment in the comment section I almost threw up. There really are people out there who feel like this and nothing we do will ever change their minds regarding autism or any other disability. The ignorance is too deep.

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  9. Absolutely beautiful. One small step at a time. That is HOPE!

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  10. @ Other H,
    I feel sorry for someone who would say something like that. That person will miss out on a lot of wonderful opportunities to bring amazing people into his or her life. It's infuriating, but honestly, that sounds like someone flaming for attention rather than actually speaking out of malice. That person was probably hoping to start a fight and entertain himself for a few hours with some arguing. I'm glad no one dignified that person with a response.

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  11. Hi other H. I agree. I think luckily people like this are rare. I also think warped attitudes towards people with disabilities will always be around but we have to move forward and do the best we can.
    Helen

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  12. Ripples spread. About six years ago I made a friend, who is now one of my very, very best friends. She would occasionally use the r-word and I would grimace and ignore it. She didn't use the word to be mean; it was just what people said. She grew up with it so she used it. Finally, at some point, I told her that I don't like hearing that word and why. She thought about it and she has stopped using the word. And you know what? She told her brother and her sister and they are trying to stop using the word. And it spreads. It gets in there. It really does. Ripples are small, but they spread.

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  13. I want to send a thank you to H too!

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  14. you made me cry. For the 2906th time.

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  15. i like her passion for the issue and i like your advice, i think with a lot of people we're a good ways off from really getting through to them. but, if it's going to change, it's only going to do so slowly, so patience and pebbles are the way to go. thanks for this post.

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