Sunday, December 27, 2009

A new year, a fresh decade, a clean slate

Time Magazine called it "The Decade From Hell." I'm inclined to agree. They cited a decade that began with the fears of Y2K and is ending with an economy struggling for air. My decade seems to have mirrored the ups and downs the magazine mentions.

I started the decade with a miscarriage, right at the end of the first trimester, when I thought I was home free. I did not handle this well. I'm ending the decade with a strongly intense son, and the breathtaking fear that we are making the worst possible decisions for him.

So I have decided that as of Friday, it's a clean slate. Fresh. It's not enough to erase the old one, it's time to go out and get a brand new one. With no marks from previous years, I can look at each possibility and opportunity and decide which one is best for me, for our son, and for our family.

We've pulled our son off of his ADHD meds. We weren't seeing enough of a difference in focus, and suspected some of his emotional outbursts and hysterics may have been related. His school is not helping us; because his giftedness and disabilities mask each other, he doesn't qualify for an IEP and apparently he hasn't failed enough for RTI.

Fresh slate. No meds and no plans for meds. A new therapist who specializes in gifted kids and families.  Possibly a new school (and probably back to work for me, to cover the likely tuition). New hopes, new plans, new possibilities for the future. As frightening as it is, it's also an exciting time. We get to decide what marks are made on that new slate, and if those marks are worth it. A decade ago, we were sobbing over a lost pregancy and fearful that we'd never have a family. Today we are worried about our son, but hopeful for the future. A decade from now, who knows.

I'm just thrilled to have the clean, unmarked slate ready for Friday.

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Jen can be found at Laughing At Chaos.

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