Thursday, September 18, 2014

Support

I love/hate the question: How do you do it?

I hate it because the answer is, I don't have any choice, "doing it" must be done.

I love it because it means I must be fooling at least one person.

The real answer to the question is, I have a lot of support. I have the best friends in the world and plenty of them. That is something for which I am deeply grateful and simply could not do without.

I met with a friend recently that was visiting from out-of-town. When she moved from Portland she left her support system, and has a hard time re-creating it. One cannot easily "create" a support system, it takes time and to a large degree, is organic. However, if you are starting at zero, then your task is to find just one other person with a child with special needs. The needs don't need to be the same, the gender, age, none of that really matters. You just need one buddy that lives on the same planet you do, when it feels like you are an alien on your own.

When feeling alienated, I would also recommend a total eschewing of Facebook, and the like. Facebook is a lie. Don't get me wrong, I like to pop over there myself from time-to-time, but not when I'm feeling down. I know people that have had terrible vacations, and the one moment everyone was smiling and happy, that was the moment that went on Facebook. I've known people that have travelled for very unpleasant reasons, yet the picture on Facebook is of the ocean, lapping the sand, and the message is, "Taking a walk with my sweetheart." When you feel like everyone has a better/easier/happier/less-stressful life than you, Facebook is not your friend.

And a friend is just what you need.

If you're looking for an existing support group, start by asking your child's special ed. teacher, if there is one. If there isn't, consider starting one. The "rules" are simple:

1) Speak freely, knowing everything will be held in strictest confidence.

2) Come to the support group meetings even when, and perhaps especially, you are no longer in crisis. A group is not successful when everyone is in crisis all at the same time. You need people at all stages of the grief/healing process.

3) Meet at such a time and such a place, that your kids are not around - many churches have meeting spaces that are free to use.

4) Have someone keep notes and collect the resources that are shared. We now have a very detailed resource guide, everything from cranial sacral therapists to psychiatrists, occupational therapists to acupuncturists, vision therapists to marriage counselors.

5) Be OK with wherever you are. "There's no where you need to be with this pose," my yoga teacher says, and I love it. There are no "shoulds." Accept where you and your child(ren) are and move from there. Any movement is progress.

6) Ignore all advice from those that don't walk the path. Smile, be kind, but seek your counsel elsewhere.

7) Believe in the power of being heard. You don't need to fix the problem for anyone, you need to witness it, be present to it, allowing each person to have their story.

8) Laugh. Laugh when it's funny. Laugh when it's not funny. Laugh whenever and wherever you can.


You are not alone. You really aren't. Now, get out there and find someone to remind you of that every day.



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Carrie is a parent and advocate of a child with special needs and even more special gifts. She blogs at http://carrielink.blogspot.com/ where this is pretty much her favorite topic. Carrie’s book, WIL OF GOD: Embracing the Relentless Love of a Special Child, is available in print on Amazon and all e-readers.



7 comments:

  1. I love you. I love the rules. I love that you love to laugh. You are so right about the importance of being around people who 'get it,' and your wisdom after having walked this path for so long is absolutely priceless. I hope everyone who reads this takes it to heart. You are a wonder, my dear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Thanks to Dr great for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family?

      Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Success Story,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com, if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr great for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com} , Thanks.


      Are you passing through any of these problems,

      DO YOU NEED YOUR EX BACK VERY FAST

      DON YOU WANT YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU AS NEVER LIKE BEFORE

      ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM A LONG TIME SICKNESS

      ARE YOU FACING FINANCIAL PROBLEMS

      ARE YOU SEEKING FOR A GOOD JOB

      DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A HOUSE OWNER

      ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FIRST CLASS GRADE

      DO YOU WANT TO COME OUT FIRST IN YOUR EXAMS

      ARE YOU A STAR AND YOU WANT TO BE SO POPULAR TO THE WHOLE WORLD

      DO YOU WANT TO BE RICH

      DO YOU WANT YOUR BUSINESS TO KEEP MOVING

      DO YOU HAVE A COMPANY OF ANY KIND AND YOU WANT IT TO EXPAND

      DO YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE TO KEEP TO YOUR WORLD

      ARE YOU FACING ANY MARITAL PROBLEMS

      ARE YOU FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO GET PREGNANT FOR YOUR HUSBAND

      ARE YOU EXPERIENCING MISCARRIAGES ANY TIME YOU TAKE IN

      DO YOU WANT TO COMPETE IN ANY LOTTERY GAME

      ARE YOU FACING HARDSHIP

      HAVE YOU BEEN THREATENED BY SOMEONE

      DO YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN ANY THING YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON

      IS YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER BEHAVING STRANGELY

      ARE YOU FACING WITCH CRAFT MANIPULATIONS

      DO YOU WANT TO CAST A STRONG LOVE SPELL ON YOUR GIRL OR BOY FRIEND

      DO YOU NEED MAGIC POWERS TO DO ANY THING YOU WANT

      ARE YOU FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER

      DO YOU WANT YOUR PARENTS TO BE PROUD OF YOU

      ARE YOU EXPERIENCING FAILURE AND DISAPPOINTMENT IN ANY THING YOU DO.(ETC)

      I will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr great for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com} , Thanks.


      Delete

  2. Thanks to Dr great for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family?

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Success Story,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com, if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr great for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com} , Thanks.


    Are you passing through any of these problems,

    DO YOU NEED YOUR EX BACK VERY FAST

    DON YOU WANT YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU AS NEVER LIKE BEFORE

    ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM A LONG TIME SICKNESS

    ARE YOU FACING FINANCIAL PROBLEMS

    ARE YOU SEEKING FOR A GOOD JOB

    DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A HOUSE OWNER

    ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FIRST CLASS GRADE

    DO YOU WANT TO COME OUT FIRST IN YOUR EXAMS

    ARE YOU A STAR AND YOU WANT TO BE SO POPULAR TO THE WHOLE WORLD

    DO YOU WANT TO BE RICH

    DO YOU WANT YOUR BUSINESS TO KEEP MOVING

    DO YOU HAVE A COMPANY OF ANY KIND AND YOU WANT IT TO EXPAND

    DO YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE TO KEEP TO YOUR WORLD

    ARE YOU FACING ANY MARITAL PROBLEMS

    ARE YOU FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO GET PREGNANT FOR YOUR HUSBAND

    ARE YOU EXPERIENCING MISCARRIAGES ANY TIME YOU TAKE IN

    DO YOU WANT TO COMPETE IN ANY LOTTERY GAME

    ARE YOU FACING HARDSHIP

    HAVE YOU BEEN THREATENED BY SOMEONE

    DO YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN ANY THING YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON

    IS YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER BEHAVING STRANGELY

    ARE YOU FACING WITCH CRAFT MANIPULATIONS

    DO YOU WANT TO CAST A STRONG LOVE SPELL ON YOUR GIRL OR BOY FRIEND

    DO YOU NEED MAGIC POWERS TO DO ANY THING YOU WANT

    ARE YOU FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER

    DO YOU WANT YOUR PARENTS TO BE PROUD OF YOU

    ARE YOU EXPERIENCING FAILURE AND DISAPPOINTMENT IN ANY THING YOU DO.(ETC)

    I will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr great for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{greatpowerspelltemple@gmail.com} , Thanks.


    ReplyDelete