Monday, December 2, 2013

6 Autism things I don’t do no more

6 years ago when R was first diagnosed, DH and I had endless passion about so many Autism things. I focused so much on a to-do list. If I could have looked ahead I think I would have focused also on a not-to- do list.

Here are 6 things that I used to do a lot and I don't anymore.

First, the Debates of Autism:

I just don’t have the same energy around  Autism controversy like I used to. Case in point- when Susan White of Autism speaks did her dramatic speech (or was it PR release?) and Facebook caught fire –I was about to write a POV. But then.... my Surface keyboard was lying on the chair next to the bed. And.... I was too lazy to get out of bed. So I contended myself with just tapping on “like” on someone whose POV approximated mine. Please don’t be offended if you are passionate about the debates. The debates and the issues are important. Of course they are. But I no longer feel compelled to add my voice.

Second,  forcing you to be optimistic.

I am super optimistic and work hard to be that way. But I realize that that is not everybody’s way. If venting helps you- vent away. If happiness feels irrelevant – so be it.

Third, thinking people with autism have the blueprint on my child:

Autistic adults provide a unique perspective. They make us think of things that we would not have thought of. But I no longer think that an autistic adult knows more about my son than I do. Just because I am Indian, would an Indian stranger know more about me than my black BFF?I don’t think so!

Fourth,no more FOMO:

The other day, I had a chance to listen to Temple Grandin. Those of you who follow my blog know that I am a huge fan. But as I heard her speak – I felt like I had heard the every bit of the speech before. It’s like this with many trainings and books. It was useful in the early years. Not just for learning, but also my need to do something. I had a massive version of FOMO – fear of missing out. I felt that without doing a training etc. we would be missing out something crucial for R. But now mostly we seek less, do more.

Fifth, thinking I have the answers or can find them if I look hard enough:  

We have read so much, talked to so many specialists, met so many parents and autistic people. And guess what? Autism is still a mystery. The one thing I know, is that I don’t know. Now when newly diagnosed parents ask about things like DAN – I just say – “use good sense"

Finally, Autism and Identity:

I think I am going to wait to see how R feels about his Autism without assuming that he will
a.     Be ashamed of it and want to hide it
b.     Think it’s a part of his identity or even be all about autism pride.
My hunch is that he will be matter-of-fact. Since DH and I are very matter-of-fact. I showed him my blog the other day and asked him if he felt okay about me writing about our family and he said he said was totally okay!
The question, whether he is who he is, because of his autism or in spite of it is irrelevant.

There are things I continue to care about and feel passionately towards regarding  autism, even after all these years and I will tell you about those in another post some day.

Floortime Lite Mama writes about Love, Life and Autism at

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  1. I love this, and for the record, I don't do those no more, either.

  2. Me too....For me, I don't know if it is because I am just plain worn out or because the fear is finally subsiding and I am ready to just "be"?Whatever the feels good.

    Thank you for this lovely post.

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