DH
and I are driving back from a naturopath whom we have visited for Crohn’s
disease
He tries to explain what may have caused Crohn’s. He tells us that maybe it’s the lack
of sun in the Temperate zone that a hurts a child of Asian origin.
Then
he adds that another cause could be unusual bacteria in the tropical zones (since
we visit India every couple of years) that is may have caused Crohn’s.
We
are shaking our heads about it in the car.
Which
is it?
Should we have not moved to a temperate zone?
Or should we have stayed
in the temperate zone and never visited the tropical zone?
As
it turns out that – that just like Autism, for Crohns too – no one knows
anything definitively.
There
are many plausible and contradictory theories and there is plenty of fodder for
parents to torture themselves over what they could have done to prevent it.
If
it were not for my years of Autism parenting, this conversation would have set
me on a tail spin of guilt.
But,
Autism has taught me that obsessing about causes and your role in those causes
is toxic.
Much
better to spend your energy thinking about what helps and what heals.
It’s
not that different to when other bad things that happen.
We
always ask- why me? We obsess on reconstructing that event in a way
that could have prevented it.
People
who have been in car accidents, go over and over again all the ways in
which they could have been prevented – if they had just left the house a little
later, decided not to go to that grocery store that day, lingered a little
longer or little lesser over coffee that morning.
An
aunt with the hip fracture obsesses, if she had only seen the slick of water,
bought those non-slip slippers, eaten that calcium etc.
But
there are no do-overs in life.
Bad
things happen and they can happen any time.
We
can eat the calcium, the purified omega 3’s, the folic acids and the organic
food, look both sides of the road while crossing and get all our annual checkups and it is very good for us but its never a guarantee!
Don’t
look back.
Don't ask why me
Don't even ask why
Ask only what now
Don't even ask why
Ask only what now
And look
ahead for this life is no dress rehearsal
K writes about love, life and autism at Floortime Mama.
I agree. Our current culture obsesses on the "why" of everything. As if knowing why makes it better somehow. You are so right, focusing on what makes it better instead is very freeing. It sounds to me the naturopath was grasping at straws but that's just my opinion ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat points. I especially liked this: "Autism has taught me that obsessing about causes and your role in those causes is toxic.
ReplyDeleteMuch better to spend your energy thinking about what helps and what heals."
I linked to your post in a similar one on my blog: http://www.carinoga.com/2013/08/16/another-autism-study-yawn/
Thanks!
Nice one, K. What happened, happened. Time to move forward. x
ReplyDeleteWonderful post.... But being responsible makes so difficult to ask the right thing.... I wish we could think that tge world does not spin because of us.
ReplyDeleteLovely post. Love to read them ... they always make me think.
Shovona
Thank you Sophie and Trains - quite possible :-)
ReplyDeleteCari - found your blog - some great writing there
Shovona - deeds thanks so much for that nice comment
Di - looks like both our posts this month are on moving on
chenlina20151128
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