Thursday, April 18, 2013

Coming to the Water

I have nearly survived another round of IEP re-evaluations. We have one more meeting, which will really be just the crossing of t's and the dotting of i's. Let's just go ahead and say it, the boy will "qualify." If possible, his scores have gone down since we had all this fun the last time. His IQ, well, don't get me started. I've said it before and I'll say it again - the first thing I'll do when I'm Queen of the Universe is abolish the word "intelligent" and all intelligence tests and unintelligent-related words: stupid, idiot, fool, imbecile and the dreaded R-word. While I'm at it, I'll strike "spaz" from the list of acceptable words to use, ditto "lame" and any other disability-related slurs we throw around as if they are nothing, instead of what they are  - cutting, damaging, dismissive, unkind and unnecessary word choices for what we're really trying to say.

Even though we got to go through a smaller district and what I consider a more efficient process this time, and even though nobody really, really, REALLY set me off, and even though his entire testing process took under 4 hours and was broken up into two days, it was still, crack-a-beer-the-minute-and-I-mean-minute-you-walk-in-the-door brutal. It's the patronizing. It's the condescending. It's the let-me-explain-your-child-to-you-because-I-am-the-expert-and-I-have-now-spent-90-full-minutes-with-your-child-ness of it. It's the come-to-the-water efforts they make when it is so obvious I have not only come to the water, I am the water.

After the first day of testing I gave the woman sort of organizing the whole thing, a copy of "our" book, as Wil likes to say. When I showed up for the meeting to discuss the results of the testing, she was quick to say thank you, she'd read half the book, her supervisor had already read the whole thing, and in fact, hoped I could stop by her office when we were done, she had a few questions for me.

I did stop by her office, she was not there, nor was she in any of the other places I looked before leaving. I will be back. That is a conversation I want to have. Don't get me wrong, these are not bad people, they are, in fact, very, very good people, that went into this work for all the right reasons and are just trying to do their jobs. I take offense when they suggest with even the slightest facial expression or cadence to their sentences, that I am ever, even for a second, not doing mine.

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Carrie is a parent and advocate of a child with special needs and even more special gifts. She blogs at where this is pretty much her favorite topic. Carrie’s book, WIL OF GOD: Embracing the Relentless Love of a Special Child, is available in print on Amazon and all e-readers.


  1. I can't imagine why you haven't cracked something more than a beer at this point (like someone's head). There is nothing that makes me more crazy than someone who assumes that I am too ignorant to make my own choices or understand how to parent my child. Especially someone with "letters" behind their name. I love, love, love that you gave them a copy of the book.