Seven years. A life can change so much in that time. People are born, change jobs, move, loose massive amounts of socks in the dryer, and the cycle starts all over again.
I wanted children. From the day I said I do with my husband I wanted a house full of little people. But the years passed and the children never came.
Then came the miscarriages. One after another. I was devastated. Crushed. Miserable.
I had always wanted to adopt. I was adopted. It meant a lot to me. We started the process when we lived in Florida. Just as we were approved to adopt we moved to Virginia. Then we found out we had to start the process all over again (don't ask, I still get mad thinking about it).
It was hard watching everyone around me get pregnant. When my sister in law told us I was thrilled for her but so incredibly upset for me. I cried for days.
Then when we were all ready to adopt a sibling group a judge decided that they needed to stay in foster care. I was even more upset. I had had enough.
Two days later I got a call from a social worker. She had a little boy with Shaken Baby Syndrome who was born met addicted. She thought we were the perfect match. But I was tired. Battle weary. I just couldn't. I told her everything I went through. I told her I just couldn't take it anymore. She paused. Then she said, "Mrs. Fields, the reason you haven't gotten any of those children is that you were meant to be Marvin's mama." I held on to that promise. A few weeks later a blond haired, blue eyed pudge ball changed me forever.
I became Marvin's mama. I was amazed, in love, and felt terribly unprepared. I couldn't even balance a checkbook, remember my coat on cold days, and had the attention span of a gnat. They were entrusting me with a little human being. But together we grew and I loved every minute of it.
Then a couple of years ago we did our second special needs adoption and our daughter came to live with us. She has more medical issues than a bad episode of General Hospital but once again I knew that I was meant to be Cary Lynn's mama.
It isn't always great. It's sometimes hard and I wish that my kids could have less problems and be more like everyone else.
But I am always in awe and never forget what it was like seven years before. How empty my life was. How much better it is now. How I now have everything I have ever wanted.
Happy Mother's Day.
Amy Fields is a proud mommy and wife. You can find her over at her blog Many Kinds of Families.