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Our kids have all kinds of special needs, mild to severe. Some of us grieve the loss of our children. We do the very best we can, which often takes a toll on us. We come here to share our feelings with other parents who understand. We're searching for every parent of a child with special needs. Are you hopeful, too? If so, join us!

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Entries in ADHD (7)

Tuesday
Aug112009

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

Authormolly_g | DateTuesday, August 11, 2009 at 10:45PM

The Kid is extraordinary. He is, despite his limitations, destined for greatness, I am sure of it. He can create rich, elaborate worlds of his own creating, that make me wonder if he is not going to write some beautiful and wildly imaginitive book that will take its place on the shelf with the likes of Rowling or Tolkein. He is smart and curious, with a knowledge of the world and the places in it, a thirst for knowledge that even though I was precocious and smart as a child, so far surpasses anything that I've ever been capable of, that I know this quality was bestowed to him from something that doesn't even approximate my genetic gifts to him. He is socially challenged, and yet charismatic. He pulls people into him in a way, that ever since he was a little guy, has won him devoted fans. The Kid has won the heart of people in his life, in ways that I never expected would happen. A local college baseball player visited his preschool class, five years ago, and absolutely fell head over heels for him. A student teacher in that same preschool became his biggest advocate for a while there, she still writes him letters and emails. This summer, several of his high-school and college camp counselors have asked if I would keep in touch with them and bring him to visit them during the long hiatus until next summer.

Of course, no one holds him in higher esteem than I. I see him at his very best: when his perseverations on drawing become his worlds and I get the explainations; I get his pillow talk questions about how the world works, and get to hear his fabulous responses when I ask him what he thinks of the world. I see his compassion, I see his joie de vivre. I see his brutal honesty and his passion.

In two weeks, I'm sending The Kid to fourth grade.

Very few of his "peers" or teachers see all of these wonderful things. They get to see the very worst of him. His slow reading, his fine motor delays, inattentiveness and impusliveness that keep him from showing them the workproduct of his brilliant brain. They see a frustrated kid, a fiery temper, a kid who can't handle it at all.

I have spent the last few years wondering what we could do to make him do better at school. The cognitive behavioral programs, adding OT to his day, monitoring his social interation, controling his environment.

But now I'm wondering if there is just no solution. He is too exceptional for a system that is set up for the non-exceptional. I'm not bragging here. I'm not saying that he's so gifted and too smart... Except that I am, but I do it in fear. What happens to a system that caters to the lowest common denominator? Or, the average denominator? What happens to the exception?

How long will the hammering of my son's square peg in the school's round hole last? And will it ever result in blunting his bright edges?

I have no place I'm heading with this. I am just wondering what will work for him. This summer has been amazing for him. He's had an explosion of interaction and maturity, but his beautiful, extraordinary self is still his best feature. But it does remain one of the main reasons he will continue to struggle in school.

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Wednesday
Apr082009

stuck in a rut

AuthorJ. | DateWednesday, April 8, 2009 at 1:17PM

I wanted to write this great post about how wonderful it felt to have our adoption finalized last month. I wanted to tell you about how much my boys have changed in the last 8 months, about the great strides they have made both at home and at school, about how they are tearing off their labels left, right and center. I wanted to talk about all those things but I can’t. I can’t tell you about all those fabulous things because I am stuck in a rut with Fudge and it is consuming me right now.

Fudge is 7, “they” ( the drs and social workers) told me he has ADHD, they told me he needs Ritalin, (he was on Ritalin but we took him off because it is contraindicated for anxiety). I think they are wrong. He has issues, lots of issues but they go so far beyond ADHD issues. I think they didn’t pay close enough attention to what he was really saying and doing during the assessments. They heard and saw what they thought was ADHD. They took the easy route, gave him Ritalin and moved on to the next kid.

He does not have attention issues. He has anxiety, he has processing and sensory delays, he has trauma, he mourns the loss of lots of people from his world, he is easily depressed but he isn’t anymore hyper than any other little boy. Is there something wrong with my little boy? Yes. Does he need medication to help him cope? Perhaps. Do I wish that they had taken the time to assess him properly before handing out the pills? Most definitely.

These past few weeks he and I cannot seem to agree on anything. I tell him it is raining out and he needs a coat, he says no and goes outside without one and comes back soaking wet. I ask him to stop hitting his brother and he is adamant that he didn’t hit him even though Calvin is screaming and has bruises. I ask him to stop picking his nose and he claims he is not even though he is. Every comment is a battle; he wakes up ready to fight and seems to go out of his way to make me crazy. It makes me tired. It makes me feel hopeless.

But, when I stop, step away, breathe and look at the behaviours. When I remove my emotions, I know that he is trying to tell me something. I know that his behaviour is his way of communicating with me and when I remember that rather than letting him make me crazy I can be a much better Mom.

The problem is I am not too sure what he is trying to tell me. I struggle with knowing how much of what is going on is conscious on his part. I can see what scares and him and how it affects him but sometimes the lines around his choices are really blurry. Is he testing me or does he really not understand that what he just did was a really poor choice? He is very impulsive, he struggles with cause and effect and sometimes he really seems not to understand why something is not ok. I do not know what is learned behaviour and what is really truly a lack of understanding on his part.

I think that some of what he is doing may be testing my mantra of “ I love you and will always take care of you”. He hears that from me but he thinks it’s not true. Instead he hears “I will love you and keep you as long as you behave”. I am not at all surprised that he thinks that, he bounced around a lot before he was here and I think that he believes it was due to his and his brother’s behaviour. But there is no way to prove that to him except with time and although time may heal that one it still leaves me hanging when it comes to all the other stuff.

I don’t have any profound conclusions to finish with, I don’t have easy answers. I just needed to put this out there, to talk of the rut to other people who have walked this road as well. Because the bad days tend to be all consuming and lately  they overshadow the good ones.

J is a hopeful parent, she blogs at After Asia with some frequency.

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Thursday
Mar122009

Bad economy doesn't stop a 6 year old special needs girl from promoting literacy!

AuthorMisty Werne | DateThursday, March 12, 2009 at 10:46PM

The Family Fun Book Fair held on February 28, 2009 at the Ferdinand Community Center was a success. The Family Fun Day Book Fair was hosted by Usborne Books Educational Consultant Misty Werne and was the brainchild of Misty’s 6 year old daughter Brynna Werne. Brynna helped host the book fair to raise books for Mrs. Clark’s 1st grade class at Ferdinand Elementary school. Brynna earned many books for the AR reading program.  

 

The Family Fun Day Book Fair raised $75 worth of AR books for the class. Usborne Books matched the books earned by 50%. There was a $25 book drawing. The winner was Darrel Bowles. Mr. Bowels donated his $25 in books to Brynna’s class. The total amount of books earned for the class was $125.

 

7 families participated in the Family Fun Day Book Fair. Some of the families that participated were the Barton family from Crawford County, the Foll family from Dubois, the Crook Family from Ferdinand, The Thomas family from Ferdinand, Sharon Jones from Crawford County, Jasmine Curtis from Ferdinand, Zoey and her family, and the Werne family from Ferdinand. A special thank you to those that attended.

 

The book fair featured Usborne Books, games such as Zingo, The Brain Game, Wiz Kid, Motor Works, and many more educational games.

 

Children decorated their own treasure boxes, featured in the Usborne “Big Book of Fairy Things to Make and Do”. Marie Crook of Ferdinand donated her time and materials to help the children make their own key chains and bracelets to put in their treasure boxes. The children also drew pictures of animals using the Usborne, “I Can Draw Animals” book.

 

There will be another Family Fun Day Book Fair on March 28, 2009 at the Ferdinand Community Center from 11am to 6 pm. Free and open to the public.

 

If anyone is interested in attending the next Family Fun Day Book Fair or would like to raise AR books for their class please contact Misty Werne at (812) 998-2024 or via email at mistysbooks@gmail.com. The public can host their own online book fair by visiting www.LifetimeReader.com.

 

Misty Werne is a mother to 3 special needs children and a Parent Mentor for A.S.K. (About Special Kids). If you or anyone you know need information or resources for special needs please visit www.aboutspecialkids.org. Many special needs families were able to obtain information and resources at the book fair. The special needs community really pulled together in these tough economic times and made a huge impact on the AR reading program.

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Monday
Feb232009

I am always surprised by what pops out of my fingers

AuthorTorina | DateMonday, February 23, 2009 at 12:00PM

I am not writer by any means, though I play one on the Internet. So bear with me. In my regular blog, the words flow out of my fingers like diarrhea. I don't even think about it. I just write a sentence and before I know it, I have this big messy thing all laid out in front of me.

Yet, with this site, I have struggled. How do I kick it all off without sounding nuts and being interesting at the same time? Because, quite frankly, what is most interesting about my family is that we are lovably nuts. So, nuts it will be with a little diarrhea on the side.

Moving along.

I am tired. How about you? Isn't this exhausting? What we do is fricken exhausting. I had a coworker tell me once that raising kids, special needs or not, is all the same. She never had any kids with special needs. Don't you want to kick people like that? Cause really, come on, is it the same? Sure there are some similarities. The kids are boys and girls just like anyone else. They giggle and play...a lot of the time, they look just like anyone else. But parenting kids with special needs is the same?

In retort to the coworker, I snorted and cackled and then outright heehawed in laughter,and said, "If you believe that, do you want to watch my kids on Saturday night?" She stammered. She knows my kids are hard. I share many of the stories I think are funny (though I am sure my coworkers are a little horrified at times but I try to make this stuff funny, like a stand-up special needs comedian mom). She giggled a little and took back her words and said, no way. Big surprise there.

We can't use regular babysitters. We have to use trained Personal Care Assistants (PCA's). I only have three kids and usually all three are too much for anyone else to handle, even a trained PCA. All three of my kids have special needs. All three of my kids look perfectly normal and sound mostly normal. But because of their alphabet soups and radical behaviors, they are far from what most people think of as "normal".

I made a conscious choice to adopt kids who have special needs. It ain't easy. But I love it. All of my kids came to us after spending years in dysfunctional, temporary situations and were exposed to alcohol, drugs, abuse, neglect, and trauma. Most of their disabilities are results of those situations: ADHD, PTSD, RAD (reactive attachment disorder), ODD (oppositional defiance disorder), FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder - are you loving all these letters yet?), anxiety disorder, disruptive behavior disorder encopresis, enuresis, sexual acting out. But a few are not: cerebral palsy, developmental cognitive disability, asthma, allergies, and Osgood Schlatter Disease. My kids have so many stinking diagnoses I can't even remember them all and I have to check the list on my blog just to see what the hell they have.

Honestly, the emotional and behavioral stuff is way harder than the mental deficits and the physical stuff. We can treat my daughter's cerebral palsy. Everyone has heard of it and they act like it is the worst thing ever, "Oh, I am so sorry, I had NO idea." Honestly, it is nearly nothing in our scope of life. We take her to a specialized chiropractor, she attends adaptive physical education and we have to see a neurologist periodically. No biggie. Everyone has heard of it. I don't have to explain it. It doesn't keep me awake at night. I can give her a massage and bring her to a doctor who will know what to do when her body acts up. THAT is priceless.

Yet, with all the other stuff, like my kids' emotional and behavioral disorders, we try specialist after specialist after specialist. We go to support groups and family therapy, individual therapy...the kids see psychologists, a psychiatrist, a specialized pediatrician...they each have a disability worker, a school social worker, a school counselor, a school psychologist, and yes this is a long run-on sentence. All those people don't know how to treat their emotional and behavioral disorders. The mental handicaps my daughter has are permanent (FASD and DCD) and but all my kids' emotional and behavioral diagnoses, no one can agree upon those in regards to treatment: ADHD, ODD, RAD, PTSD, anxiety, and so on. So the kids struggle within their own minds. And I fight like hell to get someone to help them or help me or just help...but there is one resource where I know I can get advice and suggestions 99% of the time. You know who that is???

From other hopeful parents of kids with special needs who have fought the same fights we have. And that is why I blog. To connect with moms like me :) Check out where I live in the Internet tubes at http://busyintersection.blogspot.com.

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Thursday
Feb052009

The Total Transformation by James Lehman, Product Review

AuthorChristina Shaver | DateThursday, February 5, 2009 at 7:18AM

If you're struggling to keep your child "in line" -- at home, in public, with siblings and peers, with you -- then the Total Transformation Program may help.

I've been using the parenting techniques offered in this behavioral program with my son (ADHD, PDD-NOS, anxiety that can lead to psychosis, SPD). It has made me a more confident parent, and able to contain the situation when my son has a meltdown.

The Total Transformation Program isn't a quick fix or a cure -- but if you're at this site, you're an experienced parent of a special needs kid so you probably already know this.

The company promotes that the Total Transformation Program can help kids diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder, conduct disorder, ODD -- the whole lot. I'd agree and throw in RAD in my non-professional opinion.

It gives kids like these -- kids who can be stubborn, defiant, and abusive; kids who've been through the foster care system, kids who haven't had a steady home life -- firm boundaries in no uncertain terms.

The Total Transformation Program includes a "Jump Start DVD" that acclimates you to the program, introduces you to its creator James Lehman, and gets you excited about the prospect of having a child equipped to meet behavioral expectations at home, school and in public.

After you watch the DVD, there are several audio lessons to hear and corresponding workbook exercises to accomplish between lessons. I've found these audio lessons to be enormously helpful. I happen to spend a lot of time in the car, and listened to them during drive time.

In fact, I still listen to them during drive time. The audio lessons are so full of information and my son is ever growing and changing, that even though I've heard them a hundred times, I'm always finding something new to work on. James Lehman rocks.

James Lehman admittedly has ADHD. He was a kid who bounced around in foster care before he ultimately ended up with his adoptive parents. He didn't live a fairy tale life, and actually ended up in jail for a while. And then he turned his life around.

If I recall the story right, it was while he was incarcerated that he became interested in understanding behaviors associated with ADHD and other disorders. When he got out, he worked his way through the educational system and earned his Master's in social work. He's been counseling kids like him every since.

What's nice is that he has the perspective of knowing what it's like to have a disorder that doesn't make conforming easy. What's nice is he also is the father of a child with ADHD, so he knows what it's like to parent a kid with those behaviors too.

The Total Transformation Program is a behavioral therapy program.

In short, it trains you -- the parent -- in behavior therapy. It gives you the tools and techniques you'll need to work with a child who consistently defies rules and runs against the social grain. It can help your child -- from as young as three or four (you'll have to scale down some concepts) to your adult children -- the ability to understand that limits and rules you set are binding.

For me, the Total Transformation Program has given me enormous confidence. When you have a kid screaming in your face, damaging your property, throwing projectiles right and left, hitting, kicking, biting -- when you have a child that has relentless anger and energy in expressing that anger -- it can be extraordinarily difficult to contain the situation.

Thanks to the Total Transformation Program, when that happens in my house, I'm able to maintain my control and my cool.

And please notice what I just said: "when that happens in my house." I've been using techniques in the Total Transformation Program for a couple of years, and the incidents continue to occur. This program does not fix your child; it will not cure your child; your child will not magically wake up without a disorder. But it will give you the tools and the unwavering ability to rise above and direct the situation.

Prior to purchasing the Total Transformation Program, I had a library of books -- 1-2-3 Magic; The Explosive Child; Raising the Spirited Child; The Out-of-Sync Child; The Baffled Parents Guide to Stopping Bad Behavior; Parenting Guide to Positive Discipline; and, among many others, (my all-time favorite title) Parents, Please Don't Sit on Your Kids.

I have had no interest in turning back to the pages of these books for help, and I have had no interest in purchasing another book or resource dedicated to discipline or behavior. All the answers I need to help me with my son I've found in the Total Transformation Program. It is that thorough, that good.

Long story short, if you're on the fence about purchasing the program I say go for it. It's worth every penny. The program isn't cheap, but think of it this way -- it's the price of a couple of behavior therapy sessions, you can spread the payments out over time, you'll seriously never need to buy another book or resource again, it's an investment in your child and your own sense of peace.

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