I was listening to a Woody Allen interview on NPR. Huge Woody Allen fan. Of his work, not necessarily his personal life. Though I'm not really one to judge people one way or another. Same goes for Michael Jackson, but I digress.

I was listening to this Woody Allen interview, and the host of the show, Terry Gross, asks him if he's the hypochondriac in the way that so many of his fictional characters are. He responds something like, "I'm not a hypochondriac. I don't make up diseases. But I am an alarmist. So a tiny thing wrong could blow up to mammoth proportions." I'm using quotes here, but this is certainly not a direct quote.

Anyway.

I'm totally with Woody on the alarmist thing. Take this week for instance, the week I was scared out of my mind that I was developing a brain tumor or MS. Went to see the gynecologist this week -- not for a routine visit. It's because I've peed in my pants a little sometimes: right before I sit on the toilet, just as I'm pulling my pants down. It's happened five times in a month, which in my book is five times too many.

So I go to the gynecologist fully expecting a prescription for Kegels, which I get. And then he prescribes...physical therapy. Physical therapy for pee-pee? What, pray tell, does that entail? Is this therapist going to be all up in my business ordering "flex! release! flex! release!" while I try as hard as I can to flex more than a milli-second?

"Why is this happening?" I ask the gyne. "I mean, I gave birth three and a half years ago."

"I don't think it's related," he says. And then the zinger: "It's neurological." Neurological?

Can we all agree right here and right now that you never use that kind of loaded term with the parent of a special needs kid -- especially a special needs kid who has a neurologist and whose last hospital stay entailed numerous visits by several neurologists!? Please do not use these terms off-handedly.

Same goes for the term hyper. My neuro-typical kid's teacher tells me last year that he's "hyper." Of course -- again, mom of special needs kid here, ding! ding! ding! -- immediately races to the clinical definition of hyper, which gets me worked up. I'm imagining my kid is clinically hyper in school. He's not like that at home? Is there something going on at school, about school, something about school overall that makes him clinically hyper there?

Like I said before, alarmist.

But still! Don't use these terms with me like they mean nothing. They mean something, and what they mean to me in my world equals a level of severity, sometimes at the high end.

But back to the gynecologist. He goes on to explain that I have urgency incontinence. They also call it lock-and-key (or something like that, at this point my mind had rushed immediately to brain tumor). I need to basically stop and think about holding it when I feel like I need to go. I need to train my brain to not let it all out.

Which is all very interesting to me from a psychological and symbolic point of view.

Here I am so flexed and tense in almost every aspect of my life, and I just can't suppress the garbage anymore. It's coming out, whether I like it or not.

This is my second health concern this year. Earlier, at my routine gynecological check-up, I came to find that my cholesterol was high. I worked very hard the first half of the year getting that back in order, which I did. Looks like I'm going to spend the second half of the year getting my urinary tract functioning the way it's supposed to.

All this to say I need to take better care of myself. I am an awesome mom to my children. The best mom I can be. But when it comes to taking care of myself I'm piss-poor. Literally.

When I was a teenager, I was totally hung-up on that self help phrase "you can't help others until you help yourself." What a justification for ego-centric teen-hood! But I think I need to find more balance between me and my kids. Obviously. My body is telling me something this year, and it's about time I listen.