Acceptance
Carrie Wilson Link | Saturday, July 18, 2009 at 9:31AM My son turned 13 this week. I can tell because I've kept track on the calendar. You wouldn't know it by looking at him, he doesn't look pubescent, he has Elmo dangling from the end of his right arm most all the time, and he asked for a toy recycling truck for his birthday.
About six months ago I went into a funk, my best friend and part-time tutor of my son, "Rojo," was the one to diagnose it. "You're mourning. Rojo is going to turn 13 this year, and that's hard. You love him, you accept him, you wouldn't have him any other way, but nonetheless, it's hard. The gap is widening."
And that's it. The gap, it is a-widening.
I remember when he was 18 months old and getting all his various diagnoses that said without saying that he was on the Autism Spectrum. I thought that if I worked like hell and got him every possible therapist, tutor and program known to man, he'd catch up.
But he hasn't.
The gap has widened and I can see where this is going.
Finally.
Maybe his turning 13 hasn't made a man out of him, but it's made a woman out of me.
Reader Comments (15)
Love.
Yes. Those milestones are intense. Hang onto your hope, though, because it can exist side-by-side with acceptance. The parameters of hope change but it's still there, pushing at the boundaries.
I know. It is so hard.
I am glad you have someone there to help you and give such thoughtful comment.
Hang in there. You are not alone.
XO
My son is about to turn six and I am feeling the exact same way. I always thought he'd be able to mainstream by kindergarten, and instead he is more severe than ever. Hug to you.
My son is turning 13 in two weeks, and I too am reeling as I notice thewidening gulf between him and his peers. Thanks for giving voice to this sadness we all get blindsided by now and then.
Wow.
Stunning post.
Love you.
Suzy
I imagine we'll have those "birthdays" every so often. My girl is nearly 6, but when she turned 2, I went through a similar process myself. She was 2, but not anywhere near a typical 2 year old. But now she is turning 6 and entering kindergarten. I am trying to plan a party for her, but it's tricky with that widening gap. I decided to make the party reflect her instead of where her peers are. It will be 1 hour and 30 minutes, will not involve games, but a variety of sensory experiences - pool, swings, water play, bubbles, etc. All things she's passionate about.
That has helped shoehorn ME into this new number for her. But I understand how hard and significant birthdays can be. I'm sure I will have more in between now and 13,
With you.
Man, that is tough. KayTar is starting to catch up to her peers, but I often wonder about how the future will play out, if her gaps will widen again at some point.
These kids sure do grow us up, though.
Acceptance - the bitter pill that opens whole new worlds of wonder. You do it so well. Love.
YOU have so much GRACE
xoxo
i know.
i'm with you.
LOVE
Our kids are similar, but you're way ahead of me.
Sending all good thoughts and feelings your way
As I continue to say, we aren't really raising kids, they are raising us.
i am so moved by your words and your honesty. that last line especially is so beautiful.
punctilious post. upright one decimal where I contest with it. I am emailing you in detail.