I just cracked open a beer. Not in celebration, my friends. I'm not quite to the point that there are tears in my beer quite yet (that doesn't happen til the after the third beer, and if I choose to hit the bottle of scotch in the cabinet). Truth is, I'm having a kind of anxiety attack at the moment.

In 12 hours, I'll plop down in a teeny tiny chair in a school resource room to plan my son's transition to a less restrictive classroom. I've been fighting for this transition for about a year now, and it's finally happening. He'll could move into his new school by the end of the month, depending on our negotiations tomorrow.

The Kid is the smartest, most fabulous child I've ever had the chance to know. Unfortunately, he struggles at school in almost every way possible. He's been diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome, and with those things come a heavy dose of sensory integration dysfunction, with a dash of anxiety. He's been in a day treatment / center based program of some sort or another since the fall of 2006. We're moving him to a self-contained classroom inside of a typical elementary school. He'll have access to typical peers for the first time since he was six.

Hold up. Side note: Who talks like that? "...access to typical peers?" Oh wait... Us. Hopeful parents, parents who hope their kids will have nice interactions with said typical peers... we talk like that.

The Kid in school needs constant support to stay on task, to transition from one thing to another; he needs a scribe to write for him, unless the purpose of the exercise is to actually practice the motions of writing; he needs a continual sensory diet to regulate his body; he needs support for social interactions and instruction in how to navigate the wild world of unpredictable conversations, games and social expressions.

I used to be that parent. You know, THAT parent. The parent that fought and fought and fought and fought AND fought and fought for the services that my son needed. It seemed as if each and every intervention I researched and tried out at home had never been heard of, had never been tried, had never before been put into an educational setting in my son's school district. They were really 'revolutionary' ideas, like using computers, adding occupational therapy to his day, providing positive support instead of punishment for behaviors. I, of course, know that what I proposed wasn't truly revolutionary, but it felt like I was coming out of left field, completely on my own for every school meeting.

Something happened last year. I have no idea what it was, but the school clicked with me. Finally. They took my suggestions and listened to my beliefs. A true team was formed, not just because they did what I told them to do (because they didn't in every case), but because we really started leaning on each other and considered each other authorities. They started providing OT. The instituted the scribe and the use of the computer for writing.

The Kid also went through an amazing tranformation at this time, which is a story for another day, but ultimately we got the right diagnosis, and the school and I started to see eye to eye. Everything came together, and The Kid has had unabashed success ever since.

Before these interventions, The Kid was a constant meltdown waiting to happen. His melt downs were due to sensory stimulus, social misfiring and a poorly planned behavioral plan. Once we got the other pieces put into the puzzle, his melt downs and his difficult behaviors essentially ceased, and peace was restored.

So now I sit here and ponder going back to a regular school. Of course, it's a regular school with a behavior classroom, but still. My experiences with all other school environments other than his current one have been a series of disappointments and continual uphill battles.

I'm trying my very hardest to keep in mind that I'm a proven expert on my child, and that his current school will back me up tomorrow. Deep down, I have the fear, the real, palpable fear, however, that they will be like all the others... All of the other schools that thought they knew better than I did, that had a "proven" system and that The Kid would eventually buy in to their program, rather than building a program around The Kid.

I'm shaking in my boots over here.

I know I have the fight in me. It just comes. But please, God, don't make me use it. Please.

I need to get another beer.

Molly posts, unregularly, at www.soapywater.blogspot.com.