Twice exceptional. Sounds fantastic, doesn't it? Like a superhero. It's Twice Exceptional Boy! Watch as he whips through math homework AND runs faster than a speeding bullet! And his partner, Twice Exceptional Girl! She can read four years above grade level AND use her laser beam eyes for good! Both of them now with Kung-Fu Grip! Get yours today, don't wait!

Not quite.

2e certainly is a double dose of WOW, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. Imagine, on one hand, a child who is bright, inquisitive, a quick learner, and extremely articulate. Heaven, right? Now, on the other hand, imagine a child who is a perfectionist, is easily frustrated, has ADHD, has Sensory Processing Disorder, has difficulty writing, is a Visual-Spatial Learner and can't get the intricate thoughts in his head on paper, suffers from anxiety with no rhyme nor reason, and is stubborn as hell. Put the two together and you have a Twice Exceptional child.

Put the two together and you have my oldest son. Gifted plus a heavy dose of "What the Hell?"

How do I raise a child like this? Parenting books are of no use, he's certainly not in there. Twice exceptional handbooks are helpful, but I haven't really found one that will tell me how to parent a 2e kid. I have a friend who commented that she wants a 2e hotline, and I agree:

I have a 2e and this is what I need: a hotline. Yes, I need a hotline to call on the spot when I'm in a jam. Here's why. There are millions of books out there about raising kids. This we know. But if your kid is not text book, and you 2e moms know what I mean, then looking up that answer in a book is laughable at best. I need to be able to call a hotline and say, "okay, this is what just happened" and then have them give me the answer, the comeback, the holy grail of 2e motherly advice right there and then because if you wait til later, your opportunity to get it right is gone. When that 2e kid comes at me with a whammy...I want to be able to be like (doot doot doot - doot doot doot- doot doot doot doot) "hello, 2e hotline?...yes, 2e kid just did this and said that...can you give me the tools?) Bam! Mama comes back with a winner. 2e kid is stunned that her little issue hasn't gotten me all flustered. Mama's got answers...and good ones now. Okay, that is what I need. A hotline with experts.

Twice Exceptional kids are challenging in a way that is hidden from the rest of the world. You don't just look at the kid and think, "Hm. There's something different about that kid..." You might think he's precocious and bright, or you might think that kid is neurotic as all get out...depending on the day/situation/alignment of the planets (as an aside: anyone else's kids totally losing their shit with the full moon right now? Yeah, mine too). Parents of 2e kids often get "those looks." The looks that say, "You think your kid is gifted? He can't keep it together if there's a change in plans!" or that say, "He can't possibly have ADHD, look how focused he is on that invention he's working on!" And that's where the difficulty lies.

The giftedness hides the deficits. Oftentimes, 2e kids don't register as gifted on an IQ test because the deficits pull down the overall score. It's only when you look at the subtests and see the honkin' huge spread between the subtests that you realize the kid is bright as hell and something like the air conditioning unit clicking on or the seams in the socks disturbing him brought the overall scores down.

The deficits hide the giftedness. Schools tend to focus on what needs to be improved, whether it's handwriting or following directions. So more time and effort is spent on those, and less time on what the 2e kid excels at, whether it's science or reading.

I often feel like I'm parenting both ends of the bell curve and it's exhausting. Add in a 4 year old "is he 2e too?" son with a speech delay who is reading this post over my shoulder as I write it (Mommy? Does that say "What the hell"?) and it makes for long days. Thank God for wine.

Twice exceptional kids are wonderful, challenging kids who see things in a different light and bring that light to us so that we, too, can see what they see. The challenge lies in focusing that light and deflecting it around the difficulties they have. Once focused, that light can do anything.

Like being used as a superhero's laser beam eyes.

**********************

Jen also writes over at Never a Dull Moment and Rocky Mountain Moms Blog.