Hope for my son, the teenaged curmudgeon
Mama Mara | Saturday, November 28, 2009 at 7:00AM My son Rocky is the most misanthropic, pessimistic, curmudgeonly teenager I've ever met. He believes that the world is a dangerous, dark, evil place filled with stupid, cruel people. Unless he is watching, reading about, or discussing movies, he is absolutely miserable. He says he hates his life, especially school. Things that most people find easy and even fun -- going out to a restaurant, being outside, even washing his own face -- are fraught with sensory challenges that overwhelm him. He feels doomed by his autism, anxiety disorder, and depression, certain that he will not be able to handle the responsibilities of adulthood. "What is the point of living, if it means living like this?" he asks me.
When I tell him that life can be meaningful and joyful for him, he just shakes his head at my naivete. "You just don't know. You don't understand how hard it is to have autism. Life might be okay for you, but it's not okay for me. It never will be. I'm hopeless." *sigh*
Medications have helped a little, but not much. I became so concerned that Rocky might actually hurt himself that I called a meeting with his teachers, psychologist, and an autism specialist. "We can't let things go on like this," I told them. "He is so, so sad. Please. There must be something we can do."
We came up with lots of ideas that day, and one of my favorites went from idea to reality this week: The psychologist connected Rocky with one of his former clients on the autism spectrum. "This kid reminds me so much of Rocky," he explained. "He hated school with the same intensity, and I bet he could tell Rocky what he did to get through it."
I was nervous when this kid came over. It was a risky proposition. What if he said something that made things worse? What if he told Rocky to drop out? And it didn't help that Rocky was, well, less than thrilled with the idea. "You know I don't like having people over. And this sounds too much like therapy, which I really hate."
The kid came over, and he told Rocky that high school had been Hell for him, too. (Oh boy). He agreed that the students were all brainless, the classes worthless, the teachers heartless (oy vey). But then he said the most remarkable thing: "I know it's awful, but I promise you, this is the worst it will ever get for you. And then life will get better."
He told Rocky that his last year of high school was when things improved for him. He got to do more useful things, taking electives that fit his needs and interests better, earning credit on-the-job, even taking a class at a local technical college. Now, at age 22, he is attending that technical college part-time with "students who think", and he just got his driver license.
After the kid left, Rocky sat quietly for a while, then turned to me. "You know what? That wasn't as big a waste of time as I thought it would be." For Rocky, that is high praise indeed.
For Rocky, that is hope.
Reader Comments (14)
HA! Love it. What a world of difference a role model makes. Will have to remember this one for when my kids get to high school.
I'm so grateful for you and your son. That boy gave you a gift. Good luck and I so hope things turn around for Rocky soon. High school can be a pretty awful place, but yes, the world opens up on the other side.
Wish someone was their to have that talk with ME in high school. No mother wants to hear that their child is giving up on life (especially their fist child-special first time mother love). You are doing such an amazing job reaching out for help for him. Perhaps when things are looking hopeless that is a mantra you can tell yourself as well. "This is the worst of it....things are going to get better for him soon." Hang in their Mama Edge, you're an inspiration. :D
Awesome! We all need to know we're not alone.
I will keep hoping for Rocky. Thank you for this post --
This is HUGE! Once again, Ms Edge, you've listened, you've gathered resources and you've found and delivered exactly what your son needed.
Your beautiful sons are so very lucky to have you.
hmmm... I will have to remember to get a successful autism mentor if my sons start feeling down about their autism when they are older. There are also videos on youtube about autism success stories. Maybe with his interest in movies he would watch some if you find some good ones first. (Im sure there is a lot of crap on youtube too that you may not want him watching)
I'm so glad that Rocky got to hear from someone who has been where he is. I agree high school is something that has to be endured until life begins. That's how I felt then and how I feel now.
wonderful! Queen Teen has hit that "life sucks, I hate everything," stage and this gives me hope that if I can find her a peer, someone who understands what she's going through, it might help. I'll keep looking
All these wonderful comments really filled my heart tonight. Thank you all for your support and bloglove.
I just love that the boy told him this is the worst it will get. It was just what he needed to hear.
xo
Me likey. Me happy.
SO glad the visit worked out so well. I hope his words continue to give Rocky hope. Oh, the places he'll go!
What a gift! I think highschool was a terrible time too and I'm not on the spectrum! Hang in there!