Separate yourself from your story

Recently, my wife and I allowed a filmmaker to come into our house to document our day-in-the-lives. We are parents of three children, two with cerebral palsy.

The idea of being captured on film as “an imperfect parent and caregiver” was very nerve-wracking.

I work very hard at my role, but every day brings new challenges and insights. I was afraid that my flaws would be portrayed in the film.

The reason I agreed to the film was because I was tired of telling the story of how I became a full-time caregiver. I didn’t want that to be the only definition of who I am to the outside world.

Over the past several years, I’ve worked very hard to try to separate my identity from my “situation” of being a parent of two special needs children.

That’s a challenge when you are a parent who provides 24-hour-seven-days-a-week support.

While creating a small documentary film may not suit every family who cares for love ones in similar capacities, I highly recommend dedicating time to separate yourself from your story – how you arrived to your care-giving role.

For example, while I share my perspective through writing, I’m want people to know I’m much more parent/caregiver.

In addition to having these roles, I’m also a passionate communications professional with a wide range of marketing and business experience.

I take pride in using those skills to be a part of a larger society. When free-time allows, I’m avid hiker (with and without my children), a poet, a birder, and most recently, a Great Lakes surfer (the latter goes against the ideal of being a 24-hour caregiver).

But when the story of how my child became disabled creates long-lasting impressions - or life-long definitions of me outside of my own work – the film idea seemed like a good way to create a final separation from that view.

I was surprised that the filmmaker captured the “normalness” of our family in a way that helped me let go of that story that once was the only definition of me: a parent of special needs children.

Perhaps what the film captured most was something much more unexpected: that my children, my family and I are way more like other people and families than we are different.

The House of Gort from Steve Tatzmann on Vimeo.
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Tim Gort is the author of The Gort Family Blog, at thegortfamily.blogspot.com. Reach him by email at timgort@timgort.com or through his website, timgort.com.