Not Knowing

I am not the first to travel

these paths of parenthood.

Not the first to miss

unmarked signs that lead me

to unpaved roads

into the dark woods of my life,

where I bump along, eyes wide,

senses heightened,

as I surrender to not knowing

where this road shall end.

It is here, that I trust,

all who have come before me.

 

I look into the eyes

of all the grown men around me.

I watch the future faces of my son.

In a flash, their lives speed by me.

They have traveled through

infancy, toddlerhood, illnesses,

families of all shapes and sizes,

shadowed woods, and joyful fields,

as they navigated their journey to adulthood.

 

I stand in amazement.

And with a knowing eye,

these men turn me around,

rewrap the blindfold over my eyes,

and send me back

to the roads of parenthood,

not knowing.

 

Jennie Linthorst is a therapeutic writing coach and the founder of LifeSPEAKS Poetry Therapy. She works privately with men and women helping them tell their stories and heal, through reading and writing poetry and personal essays. Jennie coaches clients all across the country and around the world via phone, Skype, e-mail, in addition to in person meetings. She is the author of a book of poems, Autism Disrupted: A Mother's Journey of Hope. Her family’s story is captured in the award-winning documentary film, “Autistic-Like: Graham’s Story”.